it's hard to say i do, when i don't

i'm not going to lie to you.
i'm stressed.

i'm stressed about my sleeping patterns.
i'm stressed about my eating habits.
i'm stressed about finishing this book for english.
i'm stressed about learning my lines for drama.
i'm stressed about filming for media.
i'm stressed about studying for my maths exam.
i'm stressed over polynomials - which i just can't understand.
i'm stressed because i will never see fall out boy in concert again.
i'm stressed because my car's passenger seat window is broken.
i'm stressed about dropping a subject.

but mostly

i'm stressed because i'm afraid of losing a best friend.

oh. and i made my new years resolution.
it's not to die in the next year.
i believe the consequences of breaking this resolution are pretty self-explanatory.
xo

my only love

Hello!

i know, i suck at updating everything.
my dailybooth has been neglected for about a fortnight, and you can just forget about facebook.
twitter really is my only love - that and fall out boy.

right. i wanted to let you know that there have been removals/alterations to some old posts. i still don't know when the move in date for the new blog is. i nearly spontaneously jumped to it about three nights ago. it was a crazy moment and i've gotten over it.

i hope you are all looking forward to new years! the night when everyone goes out and gets completely bladdered for really no reason at all. i will be spending it over the cousins house, and hopefully getting more than a little merry.

i have an exam in january (maths) so i've been studying for that, so there won't really be any thrilling posts over the next few days . weeks . months.
the next thrilling thing is my birthday - email me for address to send gifts and lovely things. mum asked me what i wanted, so i reeled off a list of books - i wrote them down later for her.

enough now.
i'm getting into my batman pajamas and getting into bed.
and to all a goodnight.
xo

'to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die'

doesn't it just look like a realistic Narnia?

by realistic i mean disappointing and dark - but all the while kind of cute.

i walked to work in that last week. it was nice to walk in the snow. we've never had it that close to Christmas before. it was lovely.

anyway, i won't bore you with my tales of Christmas day, because we know they're all the same - grandparents telling the same stories over and over, parents fussing over the turkey, brother setting alight to freaking everything, etc.

my mum did this thing where she put scratch cards in each cracker, and turns out she won £5. which ironically, wasn't even enough to cover the cost of the scratch cards.

i got some really nice things this year. things i wanted, and things i needed. they will all get used, and come in useful. and thankfully there was none of that painful 'thank you so much, i love it, i will use it all of the time!' when you really mean 'oh. um. what is it? do i need this? i hate it. ew.'

andandand
i got some itunes money - at last!
500 Days of Summer Soundtrack? oh yes.

Regina Spektor, The Smiths, Wolfmother, Doves, Feist, The Temper Trap.
*drool*
love it!

500 Days of Summer comes out on DVD in January in the UK. i. cannot. wait.
my birthday's on February 1st. are you feeling generous?

i hope you all had wonderful holidays.
feel free to tell me about them in the comments!

xo

Be Merry!

Happy Holidays.

and a
Merry Christmas.

Have a wonderful day,
whatever you are celebrating.

Eat, drink, and love.

source unknown

I love you all.

xo

irresistible guitarists

well hi there.

so i love my theatre studies class, with a passion.

basically.

this boy Dave was giving out lavender as christmas presents to everyone.
he had grown and dried it himself.
i have it on my desk now.
it's so relaxing.
it smells beautiful.

and then

this guy in my theatre studies class had found a guitar lying around.
he was playing it.
really freaking well.
and i'm not ashamed to admit,
i'm in love with him.

i'm such an appalling tart sometimes.
there's just something irresistible about guitarists, agreed?

but i can assure you that all this talk of boys is no more than talk.
i'm still waiting for someone to knock me off my feet - although the guitarist was pretty damned close.
i know whoever he is, he is waiting somewhere among the flowers.

i don't even know this guy

buona sera!
good evening!

guess which homework i should be doing now? if you guessed italian, congratulations - you win, and get nothing. there was no point in guessing really. i told you anyway. do you feel like a tiny bit of an idiot? no you don't, because i know you didn't even guess, you just read on to find out because you are lazy.

don't stop reading.
please come back.
i love yooouuuuuu *reaches into screen in slow motion*

anyway. i have a story to tell you.

so last wednesday, it was raining. really freaking hard. and we were waiting for the bus home from college. we managed to form a canopy of umbrellas, but mine was at an angle - cause i was the short one - and the rain was dripping from the umbrella onto this guys head. there then may have been some accidental movements of the canopy which just so happened for me to hit the boy with my umbrella. rather hard, and quite a few times. he retaliated and so forth and it wasn't as violent as i'm making it seem, it was all pretty weird, but funny and friendly.

remember, i don't even know this guy.

then he was waiting for the bus today. we talked at the bus stop with a few friends. and then got on the bus and we carried on with our lives.
i stayed in town a bit longer than i normally do this evening. and when i finally got to the bus station, awaiting my poor bit of metal on wheels home, i sat where i normally do. then this figure sits one seat away from me - i don't look because it's a free country and i don't feel right staring at people - but can you guess who it was?

oh yes, it was indeed. i didn't even notice, until i saw out of the very corner of my eye, a bag of sweets thrust in my direction. and it's the guy i hit with the umbrella last week. i decline them, because i eat so much crap anyway, but i didn't tell him that. we have a short discussion about which buses we're getting home, i get on mine and go home.

i don't even know this guy! i don't talk to people i don't know. i don't keep talking to people i don't know. and i don't hit people with umbrellas.

fyi, this is not a romantic love story either.
if it was, it would be an incredibly low budget one.
starring very unattractive people.
and with a ridiculously thin plot line.

pfffttttt.
two days left of college!
xo

Uma Thurman?

three days left at college.
oh, countdowns.
aren't we just addicted to them?

today turned out majorly better than expected when my partner for media went home sick. by that i mean, that i didn't have to do my filming so i could go home early. yay! i didn't enjoy the day because i don't like her. her names Uma. like Uma Thurman, so she's pretty cool.

i should probably study, but since i left my book in english - such a klutz sometimes - i think i'm just going to sit here and do nothing. or catch up on some sleep.

i really miss doing nothing / sleeping.

xo

I ONLY HAVE ONE WEEK LEFT OF COLLEGE!

NYYYAAARRRR!
this excites me, because getting up at 6:30am and working my butt off until 9pm is just not my idea of fun.
and college makes me eat. all of the time.
i'm pretty much four times the size i used to be.
ugghhh.

and apparently my godforsaken little town is due to get snow on thursday! which is good, because we only get snow like once a millenia. that's not even a proper period of time, but i don't care.

and i got both my first christmas card AND my first three christmas presents. ahh, the joys of having a best friend.

i only have one day off between now and christmas day. college monday-friday, then i'm working saturday, monday - christmas eve. 9am-7:30pm. oh yeah. i'm not going to lie, i'm pretty stoked at how loaded i'm going to be. anybody want to come with me on a january sales shopping spree?

i really suck at updating anything with any substance anymore. i'm sorry. i'm attempting to feed all of my creative juices into something worth an A grade. i'll try and keep some back for you guys.

i feel majorly ashamed at some of the christmas presents i bought this year. they were just so lame. i bought my mother a silicone spatula for crying out loud. next year, i am going to be on the case and do something amazing for everyone.

*grumble*
and i want to see where the wild things are


AND OMG GLEE IS COMING TO THE UK
i've heard so much about it from all the american cool kids i follow.
and i'm just excited all the friggen time.

xo

my favourite six minutes

hey guys, you like to procrastinate like me, yes?
and you like finding out useless things.
and you like to hear and watch people talking about their secrets.
right?
okay, good.
here is my favourite six minutes of video this year.

PostSecret: Confessions on Life, Death and God from Frank Warren on Vimeo.

this is more than just a fun project.
PostSecret works really hard with life saving charities.
find out more about PostSecret here

xo

too much sick, too little sleep

It's 2:30am here in Hampshire, England and I think it's safe to say I
won't be going to college today!

So I managed all of about 40 minutes sleep before waking up. Now I
feel horrid and will possibly barf sometime during this post. Be
prepared, that's all I'm saying.

My friend was ill at college like two days ago, so I'm going to say
it's either a bug which is going round, or exhaustion is beating me
like we're in a domesticly violent relationship.

I was saying earlier on twitter how I wish I could just sleep through
Thursdays. I don't like them at all basically. Now it's like "be
careful what you wish for" well screw you thursday. I'm not gonna take
your crap. And I'm going to lie in bed all day (if my parents let me).

I don't see why they won't let me. After four hours maximum sleep I'm
going to look like Herman Munster anyway. And I feel like I'm going to
hurl. So that's pleasant.

Sure, I feel bad about letting some of my classmates down, but I'm
pretty sure they don't want to have to wake me up/clean my vomit off
their shoes.

And I have sooo much work to catch up on at home too.

Okay, I have to go control my gag reflex - sorry if this post was tmi.
You know I only do it because I trust you guys.

xo

Ps. I made it to the end without hurling! Aren't you proud of me?

amazing things that happened to me

you guyyyssss.

i love you all so much.
honestly. can you feel my love for you?
it's radiating out of the screen at your face.
embrace it.

i've been getting such sweet comments lately. like really sweet, wonderful bits of text that make me blush ever so slightly. i know it's important to have friends who you can physically talk to face to face and touch - in a non perverted way, jeez - but, sometimes, i would give them up for you guys. all three of them.

haha, seriously though.
i love you.

and because i love you.
let me share with you some of the amazing things that happened to me today.

1. i woke up to an email sent last night from Miss Daisy Bruce - we live so far away but we're such good friends. she's adorable, writes so well and honestly, i don't know what i'd do without her.
   
2. some beautiful aforementioned comments on here. (ily) and on my dailybooth. AND a twitter @ reply from owlssayhooot (Kayley from 5awesomegirls - youtubers, you know her right? if you don't... you are not a youtuber.)
3. this last thing i'm not sure i'm allowed to share. but since you're all such brilliant followers...

my boss at work - who is like an older sister to me - is pregnant.

guys, meet baby peanutpeanut is just a temporary name until they know if it's a boy or a girl.

but how exciting is this?! i nearly cried in media, i was just that happy/excited/overcome. it was so unexpected, and so wonderful.

i hope i'm appointed chief babysitter.

this also means i can pretty much say goodbye to my summer, as i'm going to work the entire time. i don't mind though. it's for a good reason. and look how friggen cute it is.

i can't wait to go to work on saturday.
i've been ridiculously hyper over this all day.

xo

ps. give me another good day tomorrow; leave some more cute in the comments!

long hair?!

hey blogger!

wasssuppp?

okay, just a quick one tonight - because i'm working my butt off for college. seriously.
yesterday i churned out four pages of maths, marked it, and reworked most of my answers. i have a mock test on friday which i really need to do some studying for.
and i produced five hand written pages on the first section of In Cold Blood - the novel i'm studying for english lit, i am actually reading this one. it's really good, if not a little terrifying.
i also have maths coursework due in this week. that's going to be interesting.
along with two italian assignments.
and a huge chunk of coursework for drama and theatre studies - we were given this on friday.

leave me comments, cheer me up?

what i really wanted to tell you, is that my hair is noticeably longer now. i'm liking this. a lot.
long hair i miss you, come back <3

i want to start running again. so i look like this again:

i was so pretty two years ago. how on earth did i not realise this then?

*sigh* hurry up christmas!

xo

please santa

yes, i didn't blog yesterday.

even though two days before i said i would blog every day up until christmas.
but what you have to understand,
is that i am a bad person.

i don't really have much to say today.
i have so much work to do tomorrow. it's crippling.
it's also gotten super cold.
but it's not snowing.
please santa?

xo

Procrastination, baby.

Morning!
I'm writing this in my free period at college because it's either that or I have to work, so hi there.

I can't express in words how tired I am. Thursdays are the worst. Have I told you this before? They are horrid, and I don't like them.

I forgot to open my advent calendar again. That's twice in three days. Damnit.

What I do like about college is that I get to hang out with people that I don't even know. Like right now, I'm sitting with a good friend from secondary school, her friend who hangs around with us sometimes and some other guy who I've never even seen! But we're all talking and
it's comfortable - which is weird considering I've never met him.

Oh college, how you confuse me
xo

23 days to go!

is it too early for a countdown?

it's to early for a countdown.

i'm going to try and blog every day until christmas eve. - expect the quality to go down considerably.
then i'll take a little break; i should be back just after new year.
i still don't know when i'll be launching my new blog.
which is infuriating because it's coming along so well, and i'm really freaking excited, and i want to launch it to everyone.
and i realise the first few months will be slow, and gruelling, and i really am starting pretty much from scratch.
but i want it to be right when i finally launch it - i'm not even going to give you a month in which the launch will happen. everything is just that up in the air.

you can all check out my dailybooth and twitter when i launch it too. i told you it was exciting.

i'm also planning a brand new feature for it.
so much to do.
so little internet.

xo

go eat yourself

hello december!

people decided to make my day horrible. so i'm going to ignore them. they don't deserve my attention.
just one point. call me whatever you want. throw all your little insults, they will not change me. but don't you dare categorise me in the same way as those snobbish little girls at college. the girls who only care about how perfect their hair looks, and if they look grungy yet fashionable, and yes we all know that those clothes are brand new, and you starve yourself to look like that, and you don't have an ounce of realism in you. the superficial, petty, patronising, rich, vile girls. the ones with no depth. these girls are so transparent, they're practically invisible.

you think i'm a slutty, spoilt little bitch?
that's nice. go eat yourself.


tomorrow will be better. i hope.
xo