it's hard to say i do, when i don't

i'm not going to lie to you.
i'm stressed.

i'm stressed about my sleeping patterns.
i'm stressed about my eating habits.
i'm stressed about finishing this book for english.
i'm stressed about learning my lines for drama.
i'm stressed about filming for media.
i'm stressed about studying for my maths exam.
i'm stressed over polynomials - which i just can't understand.
i'm stressed because i will never see fall out boy in concert again.
i'm stressed because my car's passenger seat window is broken.
i'm stressed about dropping a subject.

but mostly

i'm stressed because i'm afraid of losing a best friend.

oh. and i made my new years resolution.
it's not to die in the next year.
i believe the consequences of breaking this resolution are pretty self-explanatory.
xo

my only love

Hello!

i know, i suck at updating everything.
my dailybooth has been neglected for about a fortnight, and you can just forget about facebook.
twitter really is my only love - that and fall out boy.

right. i wanted to let you know that there have been removals/alterations to some old posts. i still don't know when the move in date for the new blog is. i nearly spontaneously jumped to it about three nights ago. it was a crazy moment and i've gotten over it.

i hope you are all looking forward to new years! the night when everyone goes out and gets completely bladdered for really no reason at all. i will be spending it over the cousins house, and hopefully getting more than a little merry.

i have an exam in january (maths) so i've been studying for that, so there won't really be any thrilling posts over the next few days . weeks . months.
the next thrilling thing is my birthday - email me for address to send gifts and lovely things. mum asked me what i wanted, so i reeled off a list of books - i wrote them down later for her.

enough now.
i'm getting into my batman pajamas and getting into bed.
and to all a goodnight.
xo

'to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die'

doesn't it just look like a realistic Narnia?

by realistic i mean disappointing and dark - but all the while kind of cute.

i walked to work in that last week. it was nice to walk in the snow. we've never had it that close to Christmas before. it was lovely.

anyway, i won't bore you with my tales of Christmas day, because we know they're all the same - grandparents telling the same stories over and over, parents fussing over the turkey, brother setting alight to freaking everything, etc.

my mum did this thing where she put scratch cards in each cracker, and turns out she won £5. which ironically, wasn't even enough to cover the cost of the scratch cards.

i got some really nice things this year. things i wanted, and things i needed. they will all get used, and come in useful. and thankfully there was none of that painful 'thank you so much, i love it, i will use it all of the time!' when you really mean 'oh. um. what is it? do i need this? i hate it. ew.'

andandand
i got some itunes money - at last!
500 Days of Summer Soundtrack? oh yes.

Regina Spektor, The Smiths, Wolfmother, Doves, Feist, The Temper Trap.
*drool*
love it!

500 Days of Summer comes out on DVD in January in the UK. i. cannot. wait.
my birthday's on February 1st. are you feeling generous?

i hope you all had wonderful holidays.
feel free to tell me about them in the comments!

xo

Be Merry!

Happy Holidays.

and a
Merry Christmas.

Have a wonderful day,
whatever you are celebrating.

Eat, drink, and love.

source unknown

I love you all.

xo

irresistible guitarists

well hi there.

so i love my theatre studies class, with a passion.

basically.

this boy Dave was giving out lavender as christmas presents to everyone.
he had grown and dried it himself.
i have it on my desk now.
it's so relaxing.
it smells beautiful.

and then

this guy in my theatre studies class had found a guitar lying around.
he was playing it.
really freaking well.
and i'm not ashamed to admit,
i'm in love with him.

i'm such an appalling tart sometimes.
there's just something irresistible about guitarists, agreed?

but i can assure you that all this talk of boys is no more than talk.
i'm still waiting for someone to knock me off my feet - although the guitarist was pretty damned close.
i know whoever he is, he is waiting somewhere among the flowers.

i don't even know this guy

buona sera!
good evening!

guess which homework i should be doing now? if you guessed italian, congratulations - you win, and get nothing. there was no point in guessing really. i told you anyway. do you feel like a tiny bit of an idiot? no you don't, because i know you didn't even guess, you just read on to find out because you are lazy.

don't stop reading.
please come back.
i love yooouuuuuu *reaches into screen in slow motion*

anyway. i have a story to tell you.

so last wednesday, it was raining. really freaking hard. and we were waiting for the bus home from college. we managed to form a canopy of umbrellas, but mine was at an angle - cause i was the short one - and the rain was dripping from the umbrella onto this guys head. there then may have been some accidental movements of the canopy which just so happened for me to hit the boy with my umbrella. rather hard, and quite a few times. he retaliated and so forth and it wasn't as violent as i'm making it seem, it was all pretty weird, but funny and friendly.

remember, i don't even know this guy.

then he was waiting for the bus today. we talked at the bus stop with a few friends. and then got on the bus and we carried on with our lives.
i stayed in town a bit longer than i normally do this evening. and when i finally got to the bus station, awaiting my poor bit of metal on wheels home, i sat where i normally do. then this figure sits one seat away from me - i don't look because it's a free country and i don't feel right staring at people - but can you guess who it was?

oh yes, it was indeed. i didn't even notice, until i saw out of the very corner of my eye, a bag of sweets thrust in my direction. and it's the guy i hit with the umbrella last week. i decline them, because i eat so much crap anyway, but i didn't tell him that. we have a short discussion about which buses we're getting home, i get on mine and go home.

i don't even know this guy! i don't talk to people i don't know. i don't keep talking to people i don't know. and i don't hit people with umbrellas.

fyi, this is not a romantic love story either.
if it was, it would be an incredibly low budget one.
starring very unattractive people.
and with a ridiculously thin plot line.

pfffttttt.
two days left of college!
xo

Uma Thurman?

three days left at college.
oh, countdowns.
aren't we just addicted to them?

today turned out majorly better than expected when my partner for media went home sick. by that i mean, that i didn't have to do my filming so i could go home early. yay! i didn't enjoy the day because i don't like her. her names Uma. like Uma Thurman, so she's pretty cool.

i should probably study, but since i left my book in english - such a klutz sometimes - i think i'm just going to sit here and do nothing. or catch up on some sleep.

i really miss doing nothing / sleeping.

xo

I ONLY HAVE ONE WEEK LEFT OF COLLEGE!

NYYYAAARRRR!
this excites me, because getting up at 6:30am and working my butt off until 9pm is just not my idea of fun.
and college makes me eat. all of the time.
i'm pretty much four times the size i used to be.
ugghhh.

and apparently my godforsaken little town is due to get snow on thursday! which is good, because we only get snow like once a millenia. that's not even a proper period of time, but i don't care.

and i got both my first christmas card AND my first three christmas presents. ahh, the joys of having a best friend.

i only have one day off between now and christmas day. college monday-friday, then i'm working saturday, monday - christmas eve. 9am-7:30pm. oh yeah. i'm not going to lie, i'm pretty stoked at how loaded i'm going to be. anybody want to come with me on a january sales shopping spree?

i really suck at updating anything with any substance anymore. i'm sorry. i'm attempting to feed all of my creative juices into something worth an A grade. i'll try and keep some back for you guys.

i feel majorly ashamed at some of the christmas presents i bought this year. they were just so lame. i bought my mother a silicone spatula for crying out loud. next year, i am going to be on the case and do something amazing for everyone.

*grumble*
and i want to see where the wild things are


AND OMG GLEE IS COMING TO THE UK
i've heard so much about it from all the american cool kids i follow.
and i'm just excited all the friggen time.

xo

my favourite six minutes

hey guys, you like to procrastinate like me, yes?
and you like finding out useless things.
and you like to hear and watch people talking about their secrets.
right?
okay, good.
here is my favourite six minutes of video this year.

PostSecret: Confessions on Life, Death and God from Frank Warren on Vimeo.

this is more than just a fun project.
PostSecret works really hard with life saving charities.
find out more about PostSecret here

xo

too much sick, too little sleep

It's 2:30am here in Hampshire, England and I think it's safe to say I
won't be going to college today!

So I managed all of about 40 minutes sleep before waking up. Now I
feel horrid and will possibly barf sometime during this post. Be
prepared, that's all I'm saying.

My friend was ill at college like two days ago, so I'm going to say
it's either a bug which is going round, or exhaustion is beating me
like we're in a domesticly violent relationship.

I was saying earlier on twitter how I wish I could just sleep through
Thursdays. I don't like them at all basically. Now it's like "be
careful what you wish for" well screw you thursday. I'm not gonna take
your crap. And I'm going to lie in bed all day (if my parents let me).

I don't see why they won't let me. After four hours maximum sleep I'm
going to look like Herman Munster anyway. And I feel like I'm going to
hurl. So that's pleasant.

Sure, I feel bad about letting some of my classmates down, but I'm
pretty sure they don't want to have to wake me up/clean my vomit off
their shoes.

And I have sooo much work to catch up on at home too.

Okay, I have to go control my gag reflex - sorry if this post was tmi.
You know I only do it because I trust you guys.

xo

Ps. I made it to the end without hurling! Aren't you proud of me?

amazing things that happened to me

you guyyyssss.

i love you all so much.
honestly. can you feel my love for you?
it's radiating out of the screen at your face.
embrace it.

i've been getting such sweet comments lately. like really sweet, wonderful bits of text that make me blush ever so slightly. i know it's important to have friends who you can physically talk to face to face and touch - in a non perverted way, jeez - but, sometimes, i would give them up for you guys. all three of them.

haha, seriously though.
i love you.

and because i love you.
let me share with you some of the amazing things that happened to me today.

1. i woke up to an email sent last night from Miss Daisy Bruce - we live so far away but we're such good friends. she's adorable, writes so well and honestly, i don't know what i'd do without her.
   
2. some beautiful aforementioned comments on here. (ily) and on my dailybooth. AND a twitter @ reply from owlssayhooot (Kayley from 5awesomegirls - youtubers, you know her right? if you don't... you are not a youtuber.)
3. this last thing i'm not sure i'm allowed to share. but since you're all such brilliant followers...

my boss at work - who is like an older sister to me - is pregnant.

guys, meet baby peanutpeanut is just a temporary name until they know if it's a boy or a girl.

but how exciting is this?! i nearly cried in media, i was just that happy/excited/overcome. it was so unexpected, and so wonderful.

i hope i'm appointed chief babysitter.

this also means i can pretty much say goodbye to my summer, as i'm going to work the entire time. i don't mind though. it's for a good reason. and look how friggen cute it is.

i can't wait to go to work on saturday.
i've been ridiculously hyper over this all day.

xo

ps. give me another good day tomorrow; leave some more cute in the comments!

long hair?!

hey blogger!

wasssuppp?

okay, just a quick one tonight - because i'm working my butt off for college. seriously.
yesterday i churned out four pages of maths, marked it, and reworked most of my answers. i have a mock test on friday which i really need to do some studying for.
and i produced five hand written pages on the first section of In Cold Blood - the novel i'm studying for english lit, i am actually reading this one. it's really good, if not a little terrifying.
i also have maths coursework due in this week. that's going to be interesting.
along with two italian assignments.
and a huge chunk of coursework for drama and theatre studies - we were given this on friday.

leave me comments, cheer me up?

what i really wanted to tell you, is that my hair is noticeably longer now. i'm liking this. a lot.
long hair i miss you, come back <3

i want to start running again. so i look like this again:

i was so pretty two years ago. how on earth did i not realise this then?

*sigh* hurry up christmas!

xo

please santa

yes, i didn't blog yesterday.

even though two days before i said i would blog every day up until christmas.
but what you have to understand,
is that i am a bad person.

i don't really have much to say today.
i have so much work to do tomorrow. it's crippling.
it's also gotten super cold.
but it's not snowing.
please santa?

xo

Procrastination, baby.

Morning!
I'm writing this in my free period at college because it's either that or I have to work, so hi there.

I can't express in words how tired I am. Thursdays are the worst. Have I told you this before? They are horrid, and I don't like them.

I forgot to open my advent calendar again. That's twice in three days. Damnit.

What I do like about college is that I get to hang out with people that I don't even know. Like right now, I'm sitting with a good friend from secondary school, her friend who hangs around with us sometimes and some other guy who I've never even seen! But we're all talking and
it's comfortable - which is weird considering I've never met him.

Oh college, how you confuse me
xo

23 days to go!

is it too early for a countdown?

it's to early for a countdown.

i'm going to try and blog every day until christmas eve. - expect the quality to go down considerably.
then i'll take a little break; i should be back just after new year.
i still don't know when i'll be launching my new blog.
which is infuriating because it's coming along so well, and i'm really freaking excited, and i want to launch it to everyone.
and i realise the first few months will be slow, and gruelling, and i really am starting pretty much from scratch.
but i want it to be right when i finally launch it - i'm not even going to give you a month in which the launch will happen. everything is just that up in the air.

you can all check out my dailybooth and twitter when i launch it too. i told you it was exciting.

i'm also planning a brand new feature for it.
so much to do.
so little internet.

xo

go eat yourself

hello december!

people decided to make my day horrible. so i'm going to ignore them. they don't deserve my attention.
just one point. call me whatever you want. throw all your little insults, they will not change me. but don't you dare categorise me in the same way as those snobbish little girls at college. the girls who only care about how perfect their hair looks, and if they look grungy yet fashionable, and yes we all know that those clothes are brand new, and you starve yourself to look like that, and you don't have an ounce of realism in you. the superficial, petty, patronising, rich, vile girls. the ones with no depth. these girls are so transparent, they're practically invisible.

you think i'm a slutty, spoilt little bitch?
that's nice. go eat yourself.


tomorrow will be better. i hope.
xo

this weekend. part 2

right, where did i get to yesterday?

ah yes.

so after the hilarious swimming, we went to the pancake house. which was yummy, filling, sickly and ultimately a little disappointing. because we felt so ill.

but it was an experience nonetheless. now i can say i've been to a pancake house. - we don't get these in the UK.

---------------------------------
oh! and letty also has a navel piercing, and i got her to have a look at my deformity thing (don't be freaked out, info here) and she said it's infected. so i've savlon'd and bandaged up, and it's gradually getting better. i'd like to thank you for your happy thoughts. they worked!
---------------------------------

then i came home.
i didn't want to leave if i'm honest with you. i was having so much fun. it was like a big adventure sleepover. and going home meant going back to homework and college.

saturday night, i went over to Elly's to help her feel better and ice gingerbread biscuits. we created this:a gingerbread christmas tree, and lots of little ones! the gingerbread was delicious, although we may have added a little too much icing. so much that it made us feel very sick indeed.

that was pretty much my weekend. sunday was a sleep day.
today i constructed my advent calendar. oh yes, it's a 3D DISNEY PRINCESS one.

epic win.
xo

this weekend. part 1

hello!
i've been having fun.

so, friday evening after college, my cousins boyfriend, marcus, picked me up and we drove to Centre Parcs. as my cousins, Kayleigh and Letty, were already there.
now, i'm going to be honest with you here. i thought the whole Centre Parcs place was going to be lame. but i wanted to spend time with my cousins because life is getting in the way, and i took the opportunity, because i love them.

anyway.

there were six of us in this neat little villa. me and kayleigh shared a room, letty and her boyfriend marcus shared a room, and marcus' parents shared the other room.
and in the villa next door were some of marcus' cousins, so friday night we all hung out over there with ridiculous amounts of chinese food, some beer, and bad tv programmes.
until me and kayleigh got tired and went to bed. not before gossiping too much and having a few midnight chocolates though.

the next morning, marcus made us all this cooked breakfast. we all pretend not to like marcus, and think he's horrid and annoying. but we all know he's a sweetie. i don't know why we do that. it's just easier than actually admitting you think they're an okay person i guess?

then we caught the land train into the actual park bit to go swimming. this was just kayleigh, letty and me. letty is nearly 21 and kayleigh is my age, i don't see them enough anymore. these two are practically my sisters. i love them too much.
there was this rapids bit in the pool which we must have gone on about eight times in an hour. i have never laughed so much on a water... thing. the current was so random we were either going too fast, backwards, or not able to move at all. it was utterly hilarious.

i bought some jelly beans afterward. i discovered that i don't like them. although i'm eating them. i may be bored.

now i'm too distracted to finish this post.
i'll do it tomorrow. xo

superficial, patronising chit chat

So, I'm writing this in my media lesson, because our teacher's abandoned us, and the people I'm sat next to are about as deep as a puddle in the personality department. And after trying to be civil, I'm completely ignored. Ugh, whatever, I can do without your superficial, patronising chit chat, thanks.

Last night I had to go up to college for a parents evening. Because I'm supposedly failing drama and theatre. Which I'm not actually. They are concerned because I am working at a B/C grade when I'm supposed to be a whole B grade. It's ridiculous really.

In other news

My friend stopped over last night and we were messing around outside, when he picks me up and throws me over his shoulder - i am going somewhere with this - this isn't out of the ordinary. Until I felt a sharp pain around my navel. So the area around my navel piercing has been aching for the past few days, and I just thought it was bruised after knocking it or something. But after it hurt so much yesterday, I thought 'I've got to check this out'. So I did. And I found this swollen lump behind the piercing. Which probably isn't good.

So can you all hope that it clears up so I don't have to go to the doctors please?
Thank you!

--------------------------------

um, i wrote that five hours ago, and am only just getting the chance to post it.
i worked really hard on the new blog today. i can't wait to get it up and running!
xo

you look... different...

okay! you know ages ago i said i was going to change the blog to a new domain name i didn't even like and blahblahblah...

yeah, well, i backed out of that.

on account of this:

i got a domain name i actually like!

and i found out some awesome things which will make my blog change around so incredibly easy.
but for now i'm going to have to keep you gorgeous little love muffins in suspense because i want it to be a sudden big beautiful unveiling. i don't even know when it's happening but i will safely say it will be around christmas/new year time.

i hope you're all as excited as i am!

and there will be no backing out this time. i promise! xo

ps. i hope you like the temporary new look. it's a trial for the new blog!

a bad week.

i think i'm going through one of those times where it just has to be all a little crap before it can get better.
monday: says it all really?
tuesday: lost my £600 bus pass - it was found a few hours later
wednesday: tired of being neglected by 'friends'
thursday: fall out boy broke up
friday: emotionally tiring

it's not all bad. i have had some laughs this week. i'm just a little sick of never having any time to do anything that i want to do. college takes up all of my time, and i hate it. and i can't remember a time when i wasn't at least a bit tired.
i feel like society has thrown me into being an adult. i couldn't hate it much more.

in other news

• i'm reading my second book about teenagers befriending dead people this month! warn me if this is not healthy.
• i'm off to centre parks in longleat friday night, with a bunch of family which will be so much fun. because i really miss The Cousin. i hardly see her anymore. well, once a week isn't enough when i used to see her pretty much all day every day. and i know both of us are really busy and this is another thing i blame college for.
• and my friend called me at 5:30AM this morning. bear in mind that sunday is the only day i get a lie in due to work on a saturday, so i was pissed. i didn't answer, and then when i couldn't get back to sleep i began to panic that something was wrong. he left a four minute voicemail, so i listened to it. turns out he must have knocked his phone in his sleep. i am still not happy with him, and have been sending him abusive text messages ever since.
  
• and i found out that for my drama and theatre studies exam i have to act having sex on stage. um, i'm sixteen. this is not right. ugh, the play is called Rita, Sue and Bob Too, and was made into a film in the eighties i think? i really think it should be classed as live-porn to be honest.

let's hope for a better week this week. xo

nonononono

okay, i know it's a really stupid thing to get upset about. but i just read this:

Fall Out Boy have confirmed that they're going on an "indefinite break".

The Chicago band have said they'll take some time off and that they currently have no plans to reconvene. *

i don't believe it. i really really don't.
i know a lot of people hate fall out boy and think they just play 'emoshit' etcetc. well congratulations, your wish came true.
imagine your favourite band never producing music ever again. it's heartbreaking.

i have to go and cry into a pillow now.

*just incase you sadists want the link to this info, here.

my opinion on relationships

i'll get on to all the weird kind of crap that's happened to me in the past 48 hours later, but now i have something serious to say.

i need an answer to this question.
why do girls, as soon as they get a boyfriend, act all "oh my god. i can't believe i used to hang around with people before my wonderful boyfriend came along, i miss him all the time, he's so much better than my lame friends, i don't even believe i was truly living before i met him, my life was so lame, you guys are so lame, my boyfriend is so great, i just want to be with him and not you losers, oh my god, i just have to text him 24/7 and think about him all of the time, and spend all of my weekend with him and now my entire world revolves around him and his needs and i love him so much" ?


seriously?
HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
people become socially inept when in a relationship.
they become totally different people.
who aren't even fun anymore.
and they don't even see it.

just for the record

i have not quit.
i just took a little impromptu break.
but now i am back, messing up your screen like never before.

last week i did write a post actually, but due to bad internet connection, it wouldn't upload. by the time i had good internet connection again, it was null and void and totally pointless. so i am sorry about that. don't love me any less.

in other news

today i skipped class.
i feel terrible, and stupid and i really think my teacher is going to kick my butt tomorrow, however please allow me to explain.
so, this morning at like 7:48, i get aboard a bus which should arrive at my college about 8:26. today, it doesn't leave the bus station until about 8:00. by now, it's too late to switch buses, and we all know that we are going to be late for our first class.
upon leaving the bus station at 8:00, i remember my media studies teacher saying to the class the previous week:

'it is very important that you are not late for this lesson, i need you outside at 8:25, on-time and ready to start. do not be late. if you are planning on being late, don't bother coming in.'

class is supposed to start at 8:30.
now, at this point in time, i am sure we can all agree, this is not going to happen.
the bus eventually pulls into college at 8:43. i am 13 minutes late, by the time i get to class i will be a further four minutes late. i am not going into her class, missing the best part of half the lesson. she will murder me in front of the entire room. my measly reputation will never recover and that will be it, over.
i say to my friend: 'i don't want to go to media, she'll kill me.'

he says: 'i don't want to go to business. want to bunk?'

(fyi, that's not a euphemism, 'to bunk' means to skip class)

so instead of going to class, we go into the college library and studied. which is pretty good of two teenagers playing truant.
but i will say it again, i feel terrible and stupid for doing it. i don't recommend it at all.

what's in a cd player?

in response to my last post: i'm thinking of renaming her something with an edge. like patrick (fall out boy - duh.) or stevie (nicks)

in related news, i need fall out boy's greatest hits CD to play in my car's CD player.

yeah you heard. my car has a freaking CD PLAYER.

*tooexcited*

daisy, daisy, give me your answer dooo

two days ago i wrote a shitty emo post. and then, my internet just died.
i'm glad it did.

today i am writing a post to tell you about something magnificent that happened yesterday.

emma had left work early with her sister, so laura and i were finishing up for the day. it was just after half four, and i was cleaning the last cage as the last dog went home. laura was on the phone to emma as she didn't have a key to lock up with.
she stopped suddenly and said to me, "why are your parents sat outside in a skoda?"
i froze. they'd been looking at skoda's last week. as a car for me to learn to drive in. i replied "i don't know."
so i finished up, got my stuff and left. my dad got out of the skoda and said to me "so, do you like your new car?"
at which point my brain was going 'WTFOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGWTHOMG'
i went back inside, and said to laura 'i have a car.'

i am not even kidding you, i nearly cried.

i spent the whole of yesterday evening just jumping up and down. i can't believe that little six year old silver skoda fabia 1.2 htp classic is mine. instantly laura had named her 'Daisy'. i love her.

so i can't legally drive her for another three months - which sucks - but if anybody has a substantial amount of private land in the andover area and doesn't mind an inexperienced first time driver using it, can you email me please?

i'm going to go clean her now. xo

EDIT: she looks just like this.

Elsewhere.

okay, so i'm really scared of making these changes to my blog.

i know there's still two months for me to fully make my mind up about it, but it's safer this way. i don't need to emotionally sensor myself.
yes, i'm freaking out about it now. however i'm not a chicken, and unless something serious happens in the next few months, i will still be changing it to lookforsam.blogspot.com. it's just a scary thought.

anyway, instead of getting through most of my homework in my free period today i made a family tree, a timeline and a profile for all of my NaNoWriMo characters. it was the hardest i have worked in a long time, and i really enjoyed it. my main character is called Stevie Else. which i think is a pretty awesome name for a girl.

i'm going to go and geek out over that for a while. xo

NaNoXMasMcIntyreAlaska

i was out until 1am last night.

it was a school night.

okay so i was with my parents. whatever.

yesterday was a good day.
in english, our teacher gave us back our essays (it was one of the most incredulously boring essays i have ever written in my entire life) and then said he was going to hand out a model of what we should be aiming to write like at this stage. my essay was alright, it was marked as a B, so i felt pretty good.
he then handed out these yellow model essays to everyone, and left me until last.
he gave me my own essay on yellow paper.

i just sort of looked at it.

and then sunk down into my seat.

i just thought:
'my class is going to hate me'

nobody likes a goody-two-shoes-smartest-one-in-the-class-sits-at-the-front-smartass. and i only sit at the front because there is nowhere else to sit.
still, it was pretty cool he thought mine was the best essay. for someone who really didn't give a crap when writing it.

then i had a free period, and had some work to finish off. therefore i went to our rather huge college library. i just so happened to find 'Looking For Alaska' (by John Green - i did a review a few months ago, here) after toying with the idea, and looking through it, and starting to read it... i took it to the front desk. now it is mine forever*.

*until the 24th

i also started my NaNoWriMo novel in the car. i have a basic plot, characters, and a title. want to hear it? of course you do - Last Stop: Daytona. out of context it sounds terrible, but if i ever get round to actually writing the damned thing, it'll sound just fine.

yes i am a nerd. stfu.

and we went to see Michael McIntyre live at the O2 Arena. it was epic.

fifteen and a half thousand people were in that arena last night. and we were sat right at the top of the arena. it was high.

just a little sneak peak inside.

this was taken when we first arrived, he wasn't due on for another twenty minutes. the arena was completely full eventually.

he was so tiny from all the way up there. thank you big screens

he was extraordinarily funny, i am so glad the parents booked tickets.

afterward we drove through central London as only hours before Jim Carey switched on Regent & Oxford street's christmas lights. so magnificently magical. i adore London.it was even a little christmassy inside the O2 Arena!

i love christmas so much more than i did last year.

i am going to bed at nine tonight. because i am just that tired.

today is november 2nd. day two of NaNoWriMo.
and i won't start until wednesday. *sigh* i am behind.

so, i went to Thorpe Park's Fright Night yesterday! it was amazing. my friend Josh, his parents and his sister took me. during the day we hardly had to queue at all. after 4pm, it was packed. like big time.
me and Josh's sister went through one of the mazes. the group of people we were with made me go at the front. they were all about forty. i am sixteen. they have these actors dressed up who jump out of the dark and smoke and grab you and shout in your face. i don't scream on rides, but i screamed the entire way round this maze. it was terrifying-ly magnificent. honestly, i have never been so afraid. i loved it.

oh and tomorrow night i'm going to see Michael McIntyre live at the O2 Arena in London tomorrow night. he's a hilarious british comedian. and the O2 Arena is massive. it's the same place where i saw Fall Out Boy in March - wow, i didn't even have a blog then... - i am excited!

in closing
my name's not luna, but i sure do love good.

busy beee

i haven't blogged since monday?!

i'm sorry. don't hate me. i love you.

it has been so hectic. half term is never long enough.
tuesday i worked all day and then came home and promptly went to sleep. all these adventures are taking their tole on me. but not before i found out about a party near my college wednesday night. my friend Charlotte wanted me to go with her and it was supposed to be really good for all the freshers - however i declined. this is the problem with going to a college in a city half an hour away. i miss all the good stuff.

wednesday i got up nice and early went over to Elly's house and made her birthday cake.
it was magnificent. i iced half of it. i have never iced before. it looked okay. i was proud.
then i came home and got my hair done - again i know, i'll stop abusing it now. i figure i might as well post odd photos of me on here. because people do it to me on facebook anyway. *sigh* i kinda like having foils in my hair though. it makes me feel like a robot.transformation? no, i didn't think so. it's nice darker though. i feel more intelligent.

thursday i went into town bought some clothes, then stole my cousin Letty's old ones. she was chucking a load out, so i got lots of free jumpers! bonus!
then i went to Elly's party. which was fun if not slightly awkward on my part. i never know how to act around friends relatives. i just nod and smile like a bobble head. i like to think one day i'll have my own bobble head. then i won't have to waste energy. i'll just point to the bobble head, and that will be my response. although by then i won't be so shy. still, i want a bobble head.

today and friday i worked. although yesterday i carved my pumpkin! mines the one on the right, the cute one.

who am i kidding. mines the one on the left, with the mono-brow and moustache.

i wanted it to look evil. and a) i don't trust people with one eyebrow and b) i don't trust people with toothbrush moustaches. the candle inside the pumpkin will represent the hell burning inside it. yay!

honestly, the scariest thing i'll find in my house tonight is my statistics homework. which i am supposed to be doing if i want to go to fright night tomorrow. - did i mention that? it's going to be fantabulously amazing.

happy halloween guys!

adventure time!

this morning i woke up and thought 'i'll shower, go into town, come back, do some homework.'
how wrong i was.

basically, it started with me dragging my tired ass out of bed. because i knew if i wanted to shower and catch the bus into town, i would have to be up by nine.
so i get into the bathroom and there is no shampoo or conditioner. i go to my parents bathroom - snap. my hair was disgusting, and unless i washed it, i was not leaving the house. i went back to my bedroom and spotted a bottle of shampoo sitting in my bin - i know! i was desperate.
anyway. after showering putting on clothes etc etc. it's ten o'clock by the time i get downstairs. the time my bus leaves.
my mum says "what are your plans for today?"
me: "going into town. buying Elly's birthday present." then i left.

i got into town, and thought - no, i won't go to winchester, it's too much hastle. then i thought - ooh! i'll get some chewing gum!
after i bought the chewing gum, i went right back to the bus station and got on a bus to winchester. oh, the spontaneity.

i really enjoyed my hour bus ride through all the pretty little towns. it makes me grateful to live where i live. such a beautiful journey.


upon reaching winchester i went straight into HMV. where i found these:

and immediately added the panda one to my christmas list.

although i left this off:

an Edward Cullen doll? really? unless it's a voodoo doll then i don't want to know. and even then £13 is a little pricey.

i nearly bought these for my boss. she collects ducks and i thought they were amazing.although i did actually begin my christmas shopping. i bought a little something for my parents.

andandand, the whole reason i went shopping in the first place: Elly's birthday presents.because i couldn't find one thing, i found seven small ones. and put them in a shoebox. i love wrapping stuff, by the way.i really hope she likes it all. she's so difficult to buy for. and i put a lot of effort into it all.

i just wanted to include this photo of the most beautiful dress i have ever worn (probably) it was gorgeous. and it was £160. i'd have to wait five weeks and not spend anything to be able to buy that.

*sigh* there's always shoplifting i suppose?

presents!

bahh.

firstly, my weekend was boring. i worked and slept. so i have nothing interesting for you there.

tomorrow however i am going to winchester - alone. because The Cousin selfishly went on holiday, and i can't bring The Best Friend - to look for a birthday for The Best Friend.

i have no idea what to get her.

i know she'll appreciate something wacky/practical/cute. so i'm thinking some sort of package of things? or maybe clothes? agggh. i really have no idea. help me? suggestions please?

i also really need to start working out again before all of the christmas stuff starts happening. but i am bogged down in not being bothered. i hate myself sometimes.


also, if you live in the UK and want to help out with Children in Need, you should check these YouTube stars out - chartjackers. they're doing a wonderful project for the charity. and i must say, their song is magnificent.

andandand Daisy Bruce comes back tomorrow! i love her, and her blog - she's a brilliant writer.

i'm sorry about my disheveled blogging. i'll find something to talk about soon.

hello!

today, half term started.

not too much has happened this week. i basically worked my butt off tuesday, wednesday and thursday nights. i went back to that sweet shop and totally forgot to take pictures. apologies.

wednesday, i saw Up. and it was magnificent. if you haven't seen it - GO. now. get a friend, and go to your nearest cinema. right this second. now.

i went with The Cousin, and as we were going into the cinema, she said to me 'i read your blog today' i have never before heard those words out loud. i was so happy, i'm still geeking out over it. i love this girl so much, i cried when she told me she was going to a different college to me.

i got invited to a party yesterday - my friend Annabel's mum is going to be away, so she's having a small party next friday. the only problem is it's like forty minutes away, and there is no way my parents will let me go.

my aunt's just been round to wish my mum a happy birthday - we're going out for dinner in like three minutes - and she is super lovely. she has the best collection of horror films. ever. which is how i know we're family.

now i'm going out for dinner. i want whitebait and duck. loveyoubyex

is it just me that kind of wants to get kicked out of college?

i know that andover college will take me anyway, so it doesn't even matter if i do. i was just wondering how cool it would be to be 'that girl' who got kicked out of college. if i was going to get kicked out on purpose though, i would do something catastrophic so that everyone would remember me.

anyway. everybody seemed to like my new hair today which was lovely. i was really scared everyone was going to forget who i was.
and me and Kirsten - friend from secondary school, utterly crazy - went down to this old fashioned sweet shop which has everything. i mean everything. it is the best sweet shop ever. i am going again tomorrow. i will get photos.

i am also missing fellow blogger Daisy who is currently in the beautiful Lanzarote. she's gone for a week, and i am totally jealous. she does some fantastic writing too, so check her blog out.

i should really be learning my italian assignment right now. still, there is facebook, twitter, dailybooth and blogger to update. i am an internet nerd. and i love it.

finally, i am counting down the days until this week ends. i cannot wait for half term.

arrivederla!

ps. my boss at work has just finished her christmas shopping. i haven't yet started.

i keep having really weird dreams.

they make me stay up practically all night and leave me totally exhausted. i hate it.

i also have a ridiculous cough which makes me stupidly thirsty. i hardly ever drank water, now i'm drinking two bottles a day. and hacking my lungs out most of the time. i have to do an italian recorded assignment in two days, and i can barely hold off coughing for a couple of minutes. that is going to be difficult.

and right now i am trying desperately to be interested in an essay about Max Stafford-Clark. he is a theatre director. he is not interesting.

i have another three essays to do, two of which are media and i like writing for media, the other is for english. and have i told you how much i despise english?

also, yesterdays post is subject to change. the dates and stuff. i forgot to mention that. and i'm starting to label posts.

and tomorrow i go to college with short hair for the first time. nervous.

this is what i would have looked like in 1984 - that's nine years before i was born

shorty.

today i went to visit my secondary school.

i went with a couple of friends, Anna and Becca, we haven't been there since july and the whole experience was really surreal. all of the teachers seemed genuinely pleased that we'd come in. and all of the kids looked at us like we were celebrities! it was so weird, they were all talking and looking at us with super wide eyes. i really wanted to see my old tutor/english/media teacher, but he was off sick! annoyed.
i then had to rush home and finish an essay for media which i had to email to my teacher this afternoon. i got seven hundred words done in an hour. i was really impressed with myself. it's the first time i've been properly focused on homework for a long time.

after that my hairdresser came round. i promised you photos, so here.

yesterday, i had hair that looked like this:
(old photo but you get the gist)today, it looks like this:

sorry about the rubbish photo. it's the one bad thing about the iPhone.
do you like it?

i haven't had hair this short since i was six and cut it with plastic scissors. it took a lot of guts to get it short again. i can't wait to try out some new styles with it!

then i had to go back to the cinema for the third time this week to change my tickets. now i have to wait until next wednesday to see UP. turns out the gas leak that prevented the cinema from opening was a natural gas leak. which means it could happen any time. if it stops me seeing UP again, i am kicking some serious gas butt.

i'm also starting to get really excited about christmas. which is weird, because this time last year i hated the idea of christmas coming up fast. now i can't wait! bring on the presents!

up, up, and away

tonight, i was supposed to be seeing 'UP'

i was really excited. i'd told practically everyone i knew, and some other people i didn't know, that i was going. i have been waiting for this film since i saw it on apple movie trailers last october.
and as my mum drove me and The Cousin toward the cinema, we saw the blue lights, the police cars and the copious amounts of tape.
the cinema was closed, due to a gas leak.

i'm sorry. a gas leak? is that the best you can do?

i wanted to see this film so bad, the only thing that would have been acceptable for me not to see it would have been some sort of terrorist attack.

a gas leak, is not acceptable.

and i better get my tickets refunded. i was going to see it in 2D which was disappointing enough, now this?
oh, and as i was writing this post, the back light on my laptop screen was having some sort of aneurysm. so that's something else wrong with it. (the speakers kicked the bucket a couple of months ago, long live the headphones)
every day my life becomes that little bit worse.

also, i would like to say goodbye to a friend who is closing his blog tomorrow. he wishes to remain anonymous, however i would like to take this opportunity to say how much i enjoyed his writing and i hope he returns to it some day and to thank him for his kind words to me over these past few months. oh, and i hope that just because he quits his blog doesn't mean he stops reading mine.

tomorrow i am going to visit my secondary school, just for fun, and then i am getting a haircut. it could go horribly wrong. i will post pictures no matter what.

ps. thank you for the wonderful comments i've been left lately. honestly, they mean so much to me. like you can't even comprehend. <3

food baby...

okay, another thing i hate about college: it makes me eat so much!

i eat when i am sleepy, bored, under pressure, in social situations and when i'm hungry. i am getting like a bazillion times more calories than i am used to. last night i had a food baby (like in Juno!) due to practically a whole Terry's Chocolate orange. i am currently on my way to being morbidly obese. yay.
but thanks to this long weekend, i am going to exercise a little bit. the diet starts today.
and i'm going to see UP tonight with The Cousin! i am sooooo excited! all of my friends, who have seen it, said it is amazing. it is also supposed to be really sad. i genuinely want to enjoy the movie so much that i cry. i cannot wait!

(fyi, The Cousin actually knows about this blog now - it's a step toward the big change-around - so if you see Kayleigh wandering around be nice)

also, i am super into the tv show Being Erica at the moment. i never get to watch it monday nights - when it's aired - so i record it and watch it sunday mornings. perfect. it is such a good show though. and i love Erin Karpluk who plays the scatty protagonist. she seems really lovely.

and last night i had a dream that i lost all of my followers and only had three left.
it really scared me.

now i have to go to college. loveyoubyex

society is corrupt. fact.

i was having a pretty good day. well, it was average. apart from the crippling amount of homework.

but i did find 'Looking For Alaska' by John Green in my college library; that made me super happy.
anyway. so i get on the bus to go home. and as usual it is totally crowded. so i am stood. in boots which hate my feet - and i know i'm stupid for wearing them, but a) they keep my feet warm and b) they're fashionable.
yep. i stand for 25 minutes on a bus where the driver is out to kill us all. swinging it round corners, over-taking other buses. he is genuinely mad.
then i get off, walk all the way across town, by two tickets to see 'UP' tomorrow night - i am so excited! - walk all the way back, and get on another bus to take me home.
this bus is pretty small, and was pretty full by the time i got on it. just as the driver starts the engine, i squeezed onto a seat next to an elderly lady and rested my aching feet. then, two more elderly ladies get on. at this point there is only one more seat. one of the women sits down, and the other is looking down the bus for another seat.
now (this is an important point) there is a boy, the same age as me, sat directly opposite me. and i know for a fact he has seen this old woman, and he knows what he should do.
i get up, and say to the woman, "here, take my seat."
she replies with "no. sit down."
i say again, "no really, i can stand, i don't mind."
she looks at her friend, and looks down the bus still looking for another seat. and doesn't say a thing.
at this point i'm pretty annoyed. because she is blatantly refusing my offer. i am trying to be nice and the least she can do is accept it.
i say, rather loudly and firmly "i have just stood from winchester to andover. i will be fine."

she finally sits down and doesn't even thank me.

and the boy doesn't so much as acknowledge the scene which has taken place right in front of him.

SERIOUSLY?!

is this the kind of world we are living in?

banana pancakes!

i am starving!

this was the scene in my house the other evening. my whole family was making banana pancakes! - i think even the dog wanted to join in!


it was my brothers idea, and somehow he dragged my mum and dad into helping. i was exhausted. so i just munched on some chopped banana. which by the way, was super yummy.


and this was the finished result! american-style pancakes with chopped banana and syrup. gosh, it was absolutely scrumptious.


now i'm waiting for dinner to be ready. i can smell the curry from my bedroom, and it smells good!

cynical much?

i should be writing an amazing post about all of the wonderful things i have done today.
however my life has become decidedly lame and my exhaustion has led to more negative thoughts than i care to mention, and slight hysteria.
this is not good for being a human. but it makes me write creatively like nothing on earth.
have you noticed how cold it is lately? like seriously seriously cold? my mum actually put the heating on last night. for the first time since like april.
next week i have two and a half days off. and i will definitely be doing something worth mentioning. so look out for posts on thursday and friday!


also, it's getting to that time of year when everybody partners up. that whole i-don't-want-to-be-alone-for-the-winter-plus-christmas-time-is-all-romantic thing. ugh. fyi, i do not like public displays of affection. being at a college with like 3000+ students? it's like - get a room jeez.

but gosh, don't i love you guys. <3

ps. when i googled the title to check that i spelt cynical right because yes i do care that much. it turns out there's actually a blog called that. check it out!

blergaffnasts.

hectic. crazy. should be doing statistics, not posting. don't care.

i have only posted four times this month. which i consider not enough. i've had a pretty interesting week, so far, most of it good.
what i neglected to mention in mondays post, was that i had been to see Fame! with Kayleigh. we always arrive at the cinema super early so we can chat for awhile and not disturb anyone. i really liked the film, although there have been a lot of mixed opinions about it. i might even do a film feature, because i'm currently seeing one a week. maybe that's something you guys would be interested in?
tuesday evening, our drama and theatre class went to The Nuffield Theatre, which is in a university campus to see Dreams of Violence. it's a comedy/drama play about the recession and disastrous families. i thought it was going to be incredulously dull. however it was pretty good. there were parts which i did find funny and overall i was impressed. also, i know nobody in that class, so i just talk to everyone. which made the whole evening much more interesting.
i was a little annoyed that i had to stay behind on wednesday for a drama workshop. although that turned out to be surprisingly fun. the woman taking it was really good. me and Elly went home at the same time, and had a few minutes to kill before our bus home. so we wandered into town. we were walking to mcdonalds when we noticed this man behind us. he followed us all the way to mcdonalds. where we spotted our friends Hilary and Alex, rushed inside, and watched the guy walk around the shop staring. right. at. us.

not kidding. we were scared.

and today's been one of those days where i hate statistics because my stupid teacher won't explain anything, my english lessons are so boring i scratched off all of my nail polish and i just can't find where i want to be.

i wanted to post yesterday, but i was so exhausted and upset over ridiculous little things i decided it was better not to. i am exhausted though. i don't even want to shower. i just want to sleep.

come back summer. i miss you so much.

i am the walrus!

i read this the other day on MLIA it's too magnificent not to share.

Today, I came home to my mom scowling, my dad smirking, and my little sister grinning. Apparently, my sister got into a fight with a fellow 5th grader, saying that the Beatles pwned the Jonas Brothers. My sister and the girl argued until my sister tackled her while yelling, "I am the walrus! Goo goo g'joob!" I have never before felt like such a positive influence to my siblings. MLIA

best sister ever.

i also want to share with you a memory i have of me and my brother as really really young kids.
when we were like four/five, my mum took us to this park. it was always super busy with mums and trillions of kids and sometimes dads too.
today, we were over on the swings at the corner of the park. from here we could see our mum talking to the father of some other children.

(now bear in mind we used to watch like three different soap operas a night as children - that's where i think this idea stemmed from)

my brother turns to me and says:

'do you think that's my real dad?'

being the older sister by a whole fourteen months, i felt it my duty to tell him to stop being so stupid. however, i egged him on instead.

'i think you should go over and ask.'

so then i watched, from a safe distance, as my little brother waddled up to this random stranger, talking to my mother, and asks - rather loudly - if he is his biological father.
turns out he was just a friend from school. she took us home shortly after that.

this is the reason parents embarrass their children. because we wreaked absolute havoc upon them once.

ps. mum still doesn't know it was my idea.

Wizard.

i am currently watching Juno, on my laptop. while writing this.

i am watching it because
a) it is one of my favourite films of all time.
b) i've wanted to watch it all week.
c) it took too much effort to plug my dvd player into my tv.

and i just painted my nails perfect plum. in other words, my nails are now a really dark purple! i have no idea why they always give makeup such stupid names. Rimmel London, stop wasting your time trying to come up with clever names, and make cheaper products.

"that ain't no etch a sketch. that's one doodle that can't be undid, home skillet." i'm also watching it with the subtitles on. it started with them on, and i am terminally lazy. plus, subtitles have their advantages i guess.
this film also brings about how unused the word 'magnificent' is.
god, i love ellen page.

this blog did have a point. oh yes.

i had my new domain/blog name all figured out. and it turns out someone else has it. and they don't even USE it. *sigh*
drawing board i guess.

on a different note, here's a picture for you all.

<3

i have some big news.

okay.

firstly, i am not quitting blogging. so don't even think that.
lately i have been considering some things. and i have decided that over the christmas break there are going to be some huge changes to sydneyswift.blogspot.com.
these include a brand new layout, and a new domain name. i will keep you posted when that is going to be.
i know; this is risky. it could go one of two ways and i wouldn't be surprised if i lost followers. but this is just something i need to do.
this blog is still a baby, only seven months old! so, i haven't quite found out what i want to do with it yet and it is definitely subject to change.
you will probably notice some gradual changes leading up to christmas, and this is just all in the grand scheme of things. and i won't change the layout or domain name until then.

i'll keep you posted!

birthdays, weekends, and weather

i don't know how being incredibly negative earned me followers. but i don't care. if you follow me, i love you <3
and we get closer to a giveaway

it is cold! like really really cold. like eight degrees in the morning cold. i am not used to this temperature. and i have no winter wardrobe. oops.
although i do have ski socks, and six scarves (i honestly have no idea why so many...) and various hats, and EARMUFFS. when it snows, i will be wearing these. fact. if it does not snow this winter i will be very very sad. snow is my all time favourite weather.

i need your help!
scenario: best friend (female) birthday in three weeks. what do i get her?!

she's into anything weird, wacky, original, you name it. suggestions would be much appreciated.

i got my second hpv jab yesterday and my arm is killing me as expected.

and on a final random note. have you ever noticed how incredibly dull the news is?

*sadface*

today has just been one of those days, which makes me want to call the whole 'college' idea bs and crawl into a well.

sorry, but it honestly was that bad. firstly. i got my post-enrollment work back from english. clearly, they liked it, and it was okay. however the teacher who marked it, decided that starting a sentence with the word 'while' meant that i was obviously mentally ill, and who the hell starts a sentence with 'while'? what are you even doing in college, you silly little girl.

are you freaking kidding me?

so apart from the fact that my english class is so painfully dull i would rather cut my thumbs off for enjoyment, they also tell me what i can and can't start my sentences with.
when i pointed out that many successful authors use this as part of their style or technique, i was not expecting this comment:

'not the good ones.'

whatever.
this is writer restriction. and i am not having it.

and then...

WHILE i was talking to my friends at lunch, one of the people who hangs around with us, who has always been a horrid member of society, made a comment. to which my friend replied by making a funny albeit slightly offensive joke toward him - i laughed. this notfriend then pushed me off the bench we were sitting on, and then preceded to call me a bunch of rather nasty names. he has been like this since we started college.

of course. he didn't say a thing to my friend, who by the way is male.

i know it sounds like we're six. but we are not. we are sixteen. and i don't think that bullying girls is anything to be proud of.
i'm really tired of his offensive and aggressive behaviour. and if he steps out of line once more, he will be put back in his place.

i am going to start playing the lottery. win. and drop out of college. because i hate it.

what is even worse than all of that put together, is that one of my best friends is grounded. therefore they cannot come out and make me happy again - image to signify.

ps. just cause i'm having a bad day doesn't mean i don't love you guys. <3

i got a dailybooth!

i did none of my to-do list this weekend.
and it doesn't bother me, because i got a dailybooth!

i think i need a new fresh layout for winter. what do you think? i'll play around with a few things.

other than that, i don't really have anything to blog about today because i just lazed around in legwarmers watching 8 Simple Rules and eating half a tub of ice-cream. it was a good day.

to dailybooth, or not to dailybooth?

i'm currently doing that procrastinating thing where i leave all the important work until the very last few hours of Sunday.
i bet you do it too.

i'm not just doing nothing though. i am reading blogs, watching YouTube videos, updating various social networking sites. i am effectively working on being a well rounded human being internetwise. which brings me on to my next point. now i actually have people to follow, do i get a dailybooth account? it looks so good. and shiny. and i think it will make me a more active member of the internet in general, but i just don't knowwww. choose for me. i trust your decision.

in other news

i went to work today for the first time in two weeks! i know that makes me sound like a bum, however, i have college monday - friday, 8:30 - 4:35, and those are the exact opening and closing times of where i work. so i can only work saturdays. and last saturday was the wedding fiasco, so i couldn't go then either.