i'm at a very weird place right now. some events have occurred which i am not really all that willing to announce to the world right away, which have shaken me to say the least. it's left me feeling lost. and i'm not quite sure what happens next. so apologies for the non-consistent blogging you have received, or not so, as it may seem.
two and a half weeks i've been back at school, what i miss most; is the morning. i now dread the rising sun and the accompanying light breaking through my curtains to awake me. it reminds me of another day trawling through work, of which most will be of use only in my exams. i'm not sure where i'm going, but it will not be a scientist of atom energy...
at the same time, there's this overpowering pressure being applied from every angle. at a time so close to the exams every adult willing me to do well, feels that they should be vocal about this. as much as i adore your encouragement and your well-wishing, i'd rather not be reminded that the exams which will effectively determine my path of life are in just one months time.
granted. in return, an eight week break is mine to do what i like with.
first, i have to survive prom. now, as much as i love the dancing, dining and dresses; the judgement that is placed upon you the very moment you step out of whichever posh/crazy mode of transport you have taken to the venue, is unbearable. every aspect of your appearance is commented on and criticized, from your dress to your date. and it doesn't seem fair that it is the western world's way of making themselves feel valued; by bullying everyone else. i do it too, and don't get me wrong, i'm not trying to be the planets biggest hypocrite. i'm merely trying to convey disappointment to the society in which we live. and for sixteen year old's turning their noses up at one another's outfits is somewhat shameful. i see no need for it, and yet, i see no solution.
on a much lighter note, i am in love with the city. London is absolutely enchanting. how people cannot stand it, i do not know. one of my good friends pointed out that everyone is always in such a rush, walking with their heads down, ipods roaring into their ears. they need to look up. listen to the rushing traffic, the laughter, the beautiful scenes taking place in such an utterly glorious city. every time i cross the River Thames bridge i get shivers down my spine, when faced with the breathtaking view of both Westminster, the river and the London Eye. it doesn't seem real. like some sort of fantastic high definition television broadcast. the cross between classical old and the amazingly modern styles are incredible. the buildings are beautifully crafted out of raw inspiration, and talent just flows out of every theatre and onto the streets.
i long to reach out and touch the very core of this city; wander the streets, looking up.
i'm starting to question, am i a city girl at heart? or still a country girl?
PS. any thoughts on the new style? and i'm having major problems with the layout of my posts, can't seem to create any breaks between paragraphs...
So, I live in a somewhat run-down town in the South of England. It's not the greatest of places, and I would rather shop anywhere else. However, today, I needed to go in to pick up a few things.
I kept getting strange looks, normally this wouldn't bother me, but when you catch the eye of practically every person who walks past you, you begin to get a little suspicious. Twenty minutes later, I was agitated, annoyed and ever-so-slightly upset. I could not work out what was causing all of these looks. If I had been with a friend, I could have asked what it was about my appearance that caused me to get these odd looks. My phone then rang. As I reached into my bag I noticed what the reason behind these looks was.
My favourite handbag.
I cannot concentrate on anything. Distraction is in the air, blowing in the wind, especially when there's no wind. But, hopefully, I should stay on track with today's blog, as instead of revising (I am going to fail my GCSE's) I have been planning this.
I have once again sneaked (is that even a word?) away from revision to post a little blog. This time next week I will have just finished my day at school, I am more than dreading going back. I wish this week would last forever. I have been criticised for three things blog-wise.
I always feel bad when I don't post at least once a day. I'm not really sure why, because there are very few regular blogger. Sometimes it's difficult to come up with ideas and get inspired. Although, sometimes, they just come to me. Currently, I follow five blogs.
Each picture I upload I have to edit slightly for copyright purposes. Cropping this one was absolutely heart-breaking. I did manage to crop the tiniest pixel possible from the left hand side, but oh, this image. There has always been something about a beach which completely perplexes me, and yet, leaves me speechless with the greatest desire to belong within those very grains of sea soaked sand. It has always been a source of great inspiration in my writing. For years, I vowed to myself, the moment I could drive any sort of transport powered by an engine, I would visit a beach. Take a book. And read. Knowing I rely on only myself.
These past few days have been somewhat surreal, yet somewhat perfect. I tend to judge days on how hard I laugh and how happy I am at the end of it all. Yesterday, I must have spent my entire afternoon in tears; tears of laughter. Today, I met someone, and I smiled like I haven't in what feels like years. It was one of those moments where you just know. You know it's all going okay, and you know it will all turn out okay. Also; I got told something today. A month ago it would have spun me out of control and completely shattered me. Instead, I deleted your poems. And I've never felt more free.
So, I have the most important examinations of my entire life so far in two months time. This does not concern me. The fact that my own dreaded ambition to achieve and succeed at everything I do concerns me. I am crushing my own creativity with this unwanted, forced desire to study. I want the freedom to be a teenager now, not in three, four months time. The weather is to die for (which is very rare here) and I want to enjoy it. I cycled down to this beautiful spot (above) this evening to see the sunsetting. I snapped this gorgeous image of the fields and the village in the distance. This is where I want to spend these lovely days, not behind the windows, in front of them.
Recently the weather has been amazing. So today, I got up early to paint my toenails, oh yes, the ultimate example of summer arrival. I was going to venture into town with some yellow sandals, accessories and matching toenails. Although, my attempt was thwarted by the return of the clouds. English weather sucks.
Today, I Googled my name. No, not out of utter boredom. But to see if my blog showed up. I can infact reveal that http://sydneyswift.blogspot.com/ is number 19 (thats the bottom of page #2) when the keywords 'Sydney Swift' are entered into Google! Hurrah! However, even more exiting news, is that my Plinky page, is number 2! I am now easily found through the worlds most extensive search engine :)
In other news, it is finally the Easter holidays. I am going to pair up with a chumette to make a rainbow cake ( http://www.odditycentral.com/pics/how-to-make-a-rainbow-cake.html ). Oh yes. The ultimate E number-filled, artificial, barely edible, piece of yum you ever did see.
Hopefully the sunny weather holds out, there's nothing worse than being on holiday in the rain...
