abandonment

i feel like a mother duck, who has abandoned her little ducklings recently. i couldn't even read book #4 on the list. that is how bad i missed my blog and it's wonderful followers.

but here i am! with an update which will easily rock your world. because the last four days have been so beyond the boundaries of awesome.

thursday:

the official book launch of the final confessions of Georgia Nicolson. after arriving in town at an unsociable hour (9am) the incompetent store, which i will not mention... (waterstones) had received a trillion copies wednesday evening and had not thought to unpack them. therefore i walked away book less. later on that evening, it was the final of my tough yet rewarding ballroom dance classes. we practiced the salsa, cha cha and waltz until my feet ached. the four inch heeled silver prom shoes didn't exactly help. an excited, anticipation-filled nights sleep followed.

friday; prom night:

so i woke up stupidly early due to my brother getting ready for school. still, i didn't get out of bed until 12. then i showered. 2pm. hairdresser arrived. 3:30pm. pretty hairstyle on head, i went to the beauty salon - for lack of a better term - where i got an amazing hand facial (weird but oh.my.god. it was fantastic), pretty silver nails and a make-up make-over. including real 24carrat gold dust FOR MY FACE. all under£30. woop! 6pm. pants, bra, dress, jewelery. all on. 7pm. date arrives, leave for prom. in my parents bmw m3. 8pm. finish greeting and enter pretty auditorium. have amazingly good time, ballroom dancing, eating, more dancing, chatting, photos, dancing, pain in feet, more dancing. 11pm. balloons fall from the ceiling, dancing ended, hugging, crying, leaving. 12pm. bed.

saturday&sunday:

9am-4:30pm work. 4:30 onwards, sleep. sunday, lazy day. one two hour bike ride.

today:

walked into town in the blistering mid-day heat. bought the book! walked home in blistering post-midday heat.

as a final gift to you, my wonderful followers, here is a photograph taken of (left to right) my friend Alex, myself, and my dear cousin Kayleigh, just before we went inside for prom.

i also have the next few days fully booked up. so my summer is going well so far. i hope you're all enjoying the beautiful weather!

• guilty snacks today: jelly tots.
  
• weight gain/loss: +- ? lbs

Book #3: 13 Little Blue Envelopes - Maureen Johnson

as a youtuber, and a blogger, i was familiar with the BEDA and VEDA (blog/vlog-every-day-april) projects. this idea was put into action by Maureen Johnson. i then made it my own personal mission to find out about this woman. i discovered she was a writer living in new york city, with an addiction to twitter. just when i thought i was going to have to order one of her books from amazon, or something, it became apparent that 13 Little Blue Envelopes was on sale in the uk. so i grabbed the last one from the teen fiction shelf in waterstones.

i finished it in just a few days of reading it. the tale sweeps the main character Virginia off through Europe on a whirlwind, emotion-filled adventure, all because of her aunt Peg.

i don't want to say anymore, for fear of giving away the entire story. but it's a great read. especially if you're jetting off somewhere for the summer. it would be perfect for entertainment on the plane, or relaxing by the pool. a definite summer read.
maybe if you're looking for something more philosophical or intellectual this isn't the book for you. and if you're over seventeen or male, it probably doesn't interest you in the slightest. but i stand by my point of it being an adorable summer read for teenage girls.

bookend feelings

five years ago i started secondary school. with a non-existent taste in music, a few close friends and one book. friday i leave secondary school for the very last time.

some things haven't changed a bit. i'll still be leaving with a few close friends, but they're different to the ones i started with. and i'll be leaving with tons of other friends i can't believe i won't be seeing everyday. but it's weird how these five years have bookended so nicely.

• two weeks before i started year seven, i needed a reading book for my english classes. so i purchased one, 'Angus, Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging'. it might have been a little mature for an eleven year old, but i finished it the very day i bought it. tomorrow the tenth and final book in the series is available to purchase. 'Are These My Basoomas I See Before Me?' is on the original list of books. tomorrow afternoon i will have two teen fiction book reviews for you. with my close friends reading these books too, it's a topic of discussion and a great cog in the intricate works of secondary school.
• a few months into secondary school, in a science room, i was talking to a girl about a song i heard on the radio. this turned out to be one of the most important moments of my life. i was told the song was called 'Sugar We're Going Down' by an unknown american band, 'Fall Out Boy'. that girl, is now my best friend. that band, i fell in love with, like i've never fallen in love before. and i went to see them in March this year.

so it's weird how things turn out. and it seems like so much is ending. i guess i just have to look at what's beginning.

in other news

when we were taught to answer english literature gcse questions, we were shown examples, and how we should write about the characters 'thoughts and feelings. it occurred to me today that these are two extremely prominent things which so greatly affect each other. it's been no secret that i've been a stressy bitch lately. due to the fact that i am majorly stressing out over these ballroom dance lessons. (we learn how to dance for our prom) and i just can't seem to get it. i permanently feel ridiculous. and i end up inadvertently snapping at people. as much as i would like to be a dancer, i am really really not. it's also because i've had time to think. people have altered my thinking. and i somehow managed to start feeling this thought. my boss once told me she talked herself into fancying her boyfriend. and i think it can be done. if you think something enough, you believe it, you feel it.

also

i have an update on the health&fitness front. the exercise is going really well. but it makes me crave sugary foods. so i just have to control temptation now.

and

and apologies for not writing a blog in what feels like a century. i must have drafted somewhere in the region of twenty, however, none of them felt right. but this one feels pretty perfect.

• guilty snacks today: revels, chewy fruit sweets
  
• weight gain/loss: +- ? lbs

ps. i will never, ever be able to get over the last few episodes of friends.

superstition

i grew up with two opposing views on superstition. my mother didn't bat an eyelid to spilling salt or opening an umbrella indoors, apart from the mess and the obvious safety aspects. my father however, still yells at me for putting new shoes on the table and will not cross anyone on the stairs.

me?

i deny that i am superstitious. yet, when i see one magpie, i can't help think it's an unlucky omen.
every day when i walk a certain way home from school, there is always, without any shadow of a doubt, a single magpie; every time at 3:30pm it sits on that same patch of grass. i've seen it so many times, it almost seems unlucky when it's not there.

the only time when superstition has really stood out is when my aunt was heavily pregnant. we were caravan-ing one weekend, and outside was this huge tree. one morning my mum was sat outside and she noticed four magpies sitting in this tree. she got up and immediately phoned my grandmother, who assured her that my aunt had given birth to a perfectly healthy baby boy. and this is the woman who doesn't believe in superstition.

so,

maybe there is an element of truth in superstition. maybe there are coincidences, or situations where superstition is more fact than fiction. maybe it's simply chance. maybe it's good for bad.
once a very wise man said:

'for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction'

that man was Issac Newton. i try to be a realist, and accept that this statement not only applies to the laws of physics, but applies to the laws of life. just like karma. however, i am too hopeful to be crushed by realism. realists are expected to be somewhat miserable. when i get miserable, i escape into a world of dreams. that's the opposite of a realist. i prefer the words of Walt Whitman, Whitney Huston, John Green, Celine Dion, Nirvana and Elvis! these gorgeously talented artists, who don't need scientific equations to make the world go round, just pure, raw, passion.

• guilty snacks today: pizza&ice-cream&skittles - oops!
  
• weight gain/loss: +- 0lbs

ps. i went running today! along with a very long walk. i must thank you all again for all of your encouragement. i'm going to buy a workout video next week and i'm borrowing some fitness equipment. i guess i just have to watch what i'm eating now!

obsessions

so, i'm obsessed with a lot. this includes, notebooks, lists, quotes, hats, kisses, etc.
the last one is really strange. so i shall elaborate. i love images of people locked in a really genuine, passionate kiss. so when stumbling images with the keyword 'kiss' last night, i was surprised to be confronted with this message:

'You have seen all kiss pages.'

yes, it's true. i have viewed every image/website to do with kissing listed on Stumble Upon. i guess it's ironic, as i was looking for one to inspire me to write. which i suppose, it has done. luckily, i found a few gorgeous images. here is one of them:

aww.

in related news

notebooks need explaining too. i have this thirst for them. like i need more paper to write more crap in. as i've said before, i write all of the time. but i do need them. yesterday i came up with this fantastic idea, and an hour later, i couldn't remember it. so, i can justify my need for notebooks. i currently have three on my desk, and one on my bed-side table. i saw my new notebook a week ago, and i knew i wanted it. so i just had to go back and get it. i'm the same with hats. for example, i buy hats. and never wear them. expensive, fashionable hats, which do suit me, still, i don't wear them. no idea why.

while we are working our way through the list of things i am obsessed with (this includes lists too) we might as well cover quotes.

quotes are basically a section of good writing. my former english teacher would beat me, as i should be saying 'quotations' but nobody's that picky. as i was saying. quotes are part of writing which has specific emotional meaning.

'our destinies lay entwined, never joined.'

Pirates of the Caribbean 3.

it's cheesy, but it's adorable. and i like cheese. a lot. the last quote i'd like to mention is one i grew up hearing. i used to own a motorbike, when i was really little. it was a real one too. with an actual engine. i now find the smell of gasoline absolutely euphoric. but when my father was teaching me how to ride this tiny yellow motorcycle, he would always say something to me. basic advice which i ignored last week, causing my bicycle accident. i can now look at it in a much more philosophical way too, it's a metaphor for life. if you can see what's coming, go for it, get there. if it so happens that you don't know what's next, go much more carefully. i used to repeat this phrase over and over again when riding that motorbike. this is what he used to say to me:

'go fast on the straights, slow on the corners'

• guilty snacks today: none
• weight gain/loss: +- 0lbs

ps. i would like to give a special mention to Car. who has religiously followed my posts and commented on them. she also gave me some amazingly good advise about my last post. thank you so much Car!

fitness feature

change of plan, new feature is now

firstly, i need a disclaimer. this post, or any related posts to this one, has nothing, to do with this post. now, let's continue.

shiny new feature!

now, i am the worst for procrastinating. for example, i have been saying 'i'll start running' for about three years. i must have gone running no more than ten times in three years. that's pretty bad.

but

until very recently, i had got into a pattern of exercise. sit-ups in the morning, biking in the evening on weekdays and an hour of wii fit on a sunday. (the last one sounds like a bit of a cop-out, but honestly, i am from the internet, exercise is not all that compatible, i have to start off small) and lots and lots of walking.
then, while researching for this feature, i managed a rather spectacular bicycle accident. i say accident, there were a lot of factors causing it to happen. this left me with a pretty badly damaged hip/upper thigh.

owch.

anyway, there's little about my body that i don't like. and on july 26th, i go on a ten day holiday to cyprus. super-happy-relaxed-fun times! and i cannot wait. plus, i love the fact i can wear practically no clothing - because of the heat - without being judged.

friday, i saw a woman, not that much older than myself, walking around my local town centre in a certain style of top. then i remembered how much i would love to wear one of those in total confidence.

so, from now until the 26th of july, i will be keeping a careful eye, not on my weight specifically, but on how i can tone and improve my body. i'm going to have a lot of time on my hands, and when i'm bored, i eat. it's a big downfall. and a terrible habit i plan to break. i want to buy some running/exercise kit to go out in, so i don't look like a total novice; and to encourage me! i originally wasn't keen on posting this. however, due to the fact that i give up pretty easily, i am going to need as much encouragement as possible! please comment, or email me with hints, tips, advice and encouragement, thank you!

let the sit-ups, running, biking, exercise and healthy eating commence.

• guilty snacks today: none
• weight gain/loss: +- 0lbs

father features poetry

finally! people are posting again! it had got to the stage where i thought the world wide web worked only for me. but, hurrah, there is life yet. i was going to do a big old complain about it. however, if nobody was reading or writing, what would have been the point?

instead, i will tell you about the new feature!

or, i could leave you in suspense? no, that's mean. the new feature should launch before the end of the week. no promises though. i currently cannot start taking part in the new feature because of my injury. which some immature people find fun to punch. i will reiterate, that the size of my bruise is now larger than my hand. this is a week after the accident. excellent. but, new feature soon!

fathers day is on sunday. SUNDAY!

my father is the hardest person in the world to buy for. this is because of one factor. he has everything he has ever wanted. and anything else he is given he never uses. he has had two brand new shiny games consoles in the past few years which remain unused. who fancies a PS3? so, what am i supposed to get him? any ideas?

two last things before this becomes another ridiculous update post:

i am developing a fear of prom - i am terrified i will a) look like an idiot ballroom dancing, which, fyi, i cannot do. and b) end up doing something i will regret.

i have found my favourite quote. i never had one of these. until tonight. if you remember i read Paper Towns by John Green in this book it mentions this poet, Walt Whitman, and one of his poems, Song of Myself. now this poem is long. i mean, it's the size of a small novel. but my favourite quote ever is the last line of this massive poem.

'I stop somewhere waiting for you'

five years of bliss

so, today was my last ever day of school. ever. from now on i will either be in college, or not in college. there is not going to be any mention of school until i'm like 30, and deciding which school to send my filthy disease ridden brats to. - actually... no that's about right.

luckily

i have three exams left. which is a strange sentence i know. but i still have several people who i want to write in my leavers book. there are so many people i'm going to miss. these people generally fall into three groups.

• the people who i have befriended at my current school, and are going to a different college to me - these are people in my tutor mainly. as i've seen them every day these past five years and grown to love their weirdness. two people come to mind in particular. i'm going to miss our quirky conversations and personal tutor jokes the rest of our classes never got.
  
• the people who are going to the same college as me, and i probably won't ever talk to again - these are the ones i say hello to in the corridors, or used to be really close to, and have drifted away before we've even got to college. nevertheless, i can't keep in contact with everyone. and i will remember those people until i get dementia and slowly wither away. there are quite a few people who stand out for me here, but only one in particular that really strikes me.
  
• the people who i have seen every school day since i was four, and are going to a different college - the last group will probably hit me (emotionally) the hardest. because you're bound to drift away from people. but there are a few people, who have gone to the same primary and secondary school, and there's this string, which runs deep. i've known these people for most of my life. and i doubt i'll ever talk to them socially again. there are two people who particularly come to mind in this category; i've watched them grow into adults, and i will genuinely miss them
  

i think it's safe to say that i am currently emotionally charged. i have spent the entire day either fighting tears or experiencing such a euphoric energy i could barely stop moving. our head girl (shes a really lovely person, who has made every ski trip i've been on an absolute delight) put together a slide show of photographs from our last five years. i fought tears when they showed the ski trip photographs, of all three years. i fought tears when they showed all of the tutor groups. and i fought tears when they showed our 'graduation' style photograph. however, it was too much when a picture raided from my best friends facebook page appeared on the screen. it was one of her and myself on our way home during the snow day. everyone 'aww'ed. and no matter how hard i fought them, they were going to come anyway. so i let them stream down my face in a mixture of happiness and utter grief.
now we're all off on this huge scary journey into the "real world"; although it's college, how "real" can it be? now, it's been like that all day. running places just for fun, in a dress which liked to be caught in a light updraft and a totally bruised leg. but, it was amazingly, spectacularly, fantastically, weird. and i loved every moment of it. i'm going to miss it all so so so much.

ps. as a piece of advice, never wear heels over three inches, when you know you're going to be walking around for more than an hour. that's no fun; that's just painful.

cupcake creations

so, i posted a terrible update this morning. and god knows how we all hate updates. so to make up for my terrible excuse for a post, i have decided to tell you what i actually did today.
in preparation for my leavers buffet tomorrow, i popped into town to pick up some ingredients. i then manufactured three batches of gorgeous cupcakes.


the recipe is simple - makes 12

• oven on 180 Fahrenheit.
• 125 grams of flour (self-raising)
  
• 125 grams of sugar (caster)
• 125 grams of butter (soft & unsalted)
• 2tbsp of milk (semi-skimmed)
  
• 2 eggs (not ostrich)
  

sugar and butter. mix. add eggs. mix. add flour. mix. add milk. mix. then, it should look like the image above.

bake for 15 - 20 minutes. i find 20 leaves them soft in the middle and a gorgeous golden brown on the outside.

leave to cool for ten minutes. right now you could be starting another batch! that's what i did.

for the toppings, just mix icing sugar and water. be super careful to avoid uber runny icing. less is much much more. and then apply the good stuff. i decorated mine with hundreds and thousands and chocolate flavoured strands.

the finished product. out of the original 36, i have 33 left to share at the buffet tomorrow. i cannot wait to try them!

plus!

if you're looking for a way to make the actual cake bit taste nicer, add some plain chocolate chips. they give an amazing flavour. batch number 3 had both chocolate strands and chips, and are completely addictive. a beautiful sunday afternoon indulgence.

update

quick update on the book project: i have books three and four sat on my bedside table, eagerly awaiting reading. book five is on its way - i hope. so expect two more ticked off the list by the end of next week.

if you haven't checked out this project, do it now!

basically, i have a weakness for shoes. the one downside to new shoes, is breaking them in. yowch.

in other news. i had planned out a whole brand new shiny feature. however, due a completely unrelated incident to the breaking in of the shoes, i managed to damage my leg pretty badly in research for my sparkly new feature. therefore the launch of this feature has been delayed until further notice. (i hope that's given you some clues, and put you in total suspense!)
i also have apologies for not posting since wednesday. considering i've had a four day weekend, you'd think i would have had plenty of time to divulge in my slightly-boring, over-exaggerated adventures; although, lack of inspiration has led me to not writing, rather than writing a terrible post. kind of like this one. more of an update i guess.

ps. check out the book project!

hurricane hearts

i have to say, i'm a little disappointed we don't get hurricanes in England.

so, yesterday, i was sitting in the sports hall, another diabolical science exam in front of me (ugh.) and just as i had lost all hope in myself, and was about to hang myself from the basket ball nets, there was this almighty roar of rain hitting the roof at an unimaginable speed with such a momentous force. everyone began looking around and smiling, knowing we were tucked safely away in the dry, while the students switching classes were getting drenched. and all i could think of was this quote. and what's even more stupid, is that i thought, 'it's like she's here'. which is ridiculous. because Alaska Young is no more than a character in a fictional novel. however, it does prove how serious i am when i say that Looking For Alaska had such an impact on me.

it definitely put a positive spin on a difficult exam

going back to the hurricane thing; i think it's safe to say, i have a thirst for disaster. not like, people dying disaster, because, let's face it, that's a bitch. take the film 'twister' for example. they chase the storm, and get into all sorts of disaster and then at the end, they fall in love - aww. and in 'the day after tomorrow' they get caught in a storm, and they fall in love, and they get rescued - double aww. in 'independence day' they get attacked by aliens, marry & get together, and then kick some serious alien but - triple aww... maybe. but it's the whole newtons theory thing, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. so maybe the only equal and opposite to disaster is love.

i guess that really shows just how powerful it is; or how overrated.

Book #2: Looking For Alaska - John Green

yes, another John Green. and it's only been added to the list since i received the copy from the ever-lovely Jasmine. she said it was her favourite of his.

the protagonist, Miles Halter or "Pudge" is the geeky loner who leaves for boarding school in seek of the "Great Perhaps". he rooms with "the Colonel" and before long is - for lack of a better phrase - totally in love with Alaska Young. Looking for Alaska was John Greens debut into the world of authors. published in 2005 there are currently rumors of it being made into a film.

enough with the facts.

i loved Paper Towns, as you can tell. and when i was told Looking For Alaska was the best of John Greens writing so far, i expected it to reach the same level as his most current book. but it smashed my expectations. Looking For Alaska blew Paper Towns out of the water. it hit an astronomical level which i didn't think mere words could reach. i was so touched by this book. the fairly simple plot sucks you in without even realising. you fall into this gorgeous day-dream of friendship and pranks. but there's some seriously hard-hitting emotional moments. i actually had to leave my house at one point. this book can really shake you up.

it really can.

it's not a particularly long book, (260 pages approx.) but it is a spectacularly delicate gem of modern literature. i can't remember the last time a book had this kind of an impact on me. i finished it yesterday and still can't quite believe some parts. i didn't read this. i felt it. girls will cry and boys will fall in love. you won't know what hit you.

just as a closing, i'd like to include a quote.

'if people were rain, i was drizzle and she was a hurricane'

notebook flashbacks

it was somewhere between starting secondary school and fully discovering the internet when i lost my passion to read. i don't want to pin-point the exact moment, because that seems far too sad. although i expect it was in Mrs Smiths english room, second term, first year; when we were forced to read The Turbulent Term of Tyke Tiler. it was an alright book, but i had a much higher reading level than that children's novel was aimed at.

~flashback~

when i started at my primary school, i had previously attended a private pre-school - posh name for kindergarten. and because my mother was so determined to make me into a child prodigy, i could already read. my new classmates, could not. so every day, i was taken into a little room with some woman i barely knew, and was instructed to read to her. at this time thoughts such as 'why do i need to read to her? she seems like a smart lady, i'm sure she can read for herself. plus, i don't think she actually cares if biff and chip find the magic key or not' crossed my mind; but, because of the current infant state i was in, i did not question it.

~flash forward six years~

from then on i was a bit of a book-nerd, as in year five (sixth year of primary school education) i tried so hard to beat Nicole Shears at reading the most books in one term for a class competition, needless to say, i lost. i don't know what's geekier, the fact that i was annoyed that i didn't win, or the fact that i wanted to. granted i didn't have the right strategy, i was reading victoria beckhams autobiography and swallows and amazons (fyi, the only book i've never finished, because of the aneurysm caused by boredom) instead of books actually aimed at nine year olds.

~present~

i suppose this list is a way of compensating for the five years of great adventures i have missed out on. i know here i hinted at book #2, but i can finally reveal it to you tomorrow; along with a full review! how exciting!
that was a really long, roundabout way of saying what i actually wanted to say. which was, that i seem to have got my flair of creativity in writing back. last night i could not sleep because of the disastrous geography paper two that awaited me; all i could think of was this idea of running away, but not running... anyway, this little passage came to me:

and then, it struck her. she wasn't running away. she wasn't running away from anything; except fear. fear of entrapment in a town so caging she felt she would never get free. she was running, flying, soaring to freedom. to the one thing she had dreamed of her entire life.

i honestly have no idea what it is about sleep deprivation which makes me express crazed emotions into a fantastic ball of sentences; but it does. i must have been thinking of yesterdays blog a lot obviously, because i wrote this in my notebook too:

i hope you find your dreams

and i hope you chase them with everything in you

drawing wallpapers to escape

just because i wanted to write something and didn't know what to write about, i thought i'd tell you four things about to me. normally, i'd do these things in an odd number, (because for some strange reason, even numbers never look as nice) but i could only currently think about four that i actually cared about.

1. i cannot draw - everyone can put pen to paper and doodle aimlessly without thinking. but even when i try to draw the results are catastrophic. i once tried to draw a human, by the time i had finished, it looked like an ant/horse mutant. i have infact been told on many occasions to stop drawing for my own and other peoples sake. people actually find it painful to look at my drawings. it is embarrassing. just like my singing and my dancing.
2. i can never find a nice background for my laptop screen - until now. this is my current wallpaper:
3. i have selective hearing - my hearing is amazing. i can hear carbonated drink bubbles hitting a glass from over a foot away. and yet sometimes friends will be talking right to my face, and i just won't hear it. this is probably as a result of over-day-dreaming but i'd much rather live in a fictional world sometimes. there's less litter.
4. i plan to escape - this relates back to the day-dreaming thing i guess. earlier i was thinking how i wouldn't like to fade out from someones life, because then, what are the chances of them remembering that i even existed? i want to escape this town one day; there are too many people who grew up here and are still stuck here. my parents did. i know lots of peoples parents who did. i'm absolutely terrified that i will get trapped in this vortex which is my hometown. it's an okay place, and there are some lovely people, but i feel if i don't get out, i've wasted more than i could ever dream of. there is so much opportunity out there. i'd write a few letters, post them, and leave. i'd be in the airport before they knew it. i love travelling; it would be an aimless purpose. looking for something that doesn't exist, but is always there. the ultimate adventure.
   

best friend and boyfriend mornings

so, i have two exams next week which i haven't yet revised for. oops. and yesterday i got bit by a dog on my right wrist. meaning it hurts when i move it. so writing should be fun. - just as a disclaimer i do work in a dog grooming salon, and the actual 'getting bit' thing doesn't really bother me all that much.

i also have to write in my best friends leavers book by tomorrow. and i just don't know what to write. i honestly can't even convey the impact that this girl has made on my life. i really can't imagine her not being sat next to me in class every single day. we're going to the same college, but i'm so afraid she's going to slip away. how am i supposed to put five years worth of emotion into one little book?!

and

tomorrow i don't have to be in school until 11! this means the morning is mine to do what i like with. however, i have several options. because of my indecisiveness, i want you to pick for me.

• sleep
• read in bed
• exercise - a world first
  
• study

any other suggestions are also welcome!

so, the other day, i was Stumbling my way through the universe of internets, and i found this!
i've been secretly dying to put this up for about a month now. but i've been very good, and planned a blog especially for it! want to hear it? of course you do. this is what i have written for this image:

how cute is this?!
yes, be disappointed, because that is all that i have written. in a month.

anyway. you cannot deny that it isn't absolutely cute, because of just how genuinely cute it is. (although when i google-imaged 'boyfriend criteria' to find a better quality image, some jerk-ass had majorly graffitied it). most of them, i agree with. the pokemon thing is acceptable. i always picked charmander because i was terrible at the game, and you could win with charmander. just look what it evolved into! okay... stopping. but it got me thinking about what i'd add to a list of my own. there's only two and a bit things i can think of.

1. will watch horror movies with me - because he wants to, not because i forced him into it. and isn't scared of them either, i want to at least act scared.
   
2. laughs at my jokes - no matter how bad, unfunny or pure evil they might be.
3. can kick my ass at any computer game on the planet - but still lets me win.

but at the end of the day, as long as he's a boy and he loves you, i don't think you need much more in a boyfriend. the rest is just a bonus.

dressing

okay, so i'm posting this today, but i wrote it yesterday (as i was pretty wound up about it then) and could only take the pictures today. therefore leading to passionate writing AND pictures, yay!

right. i am beyond annoyed. because in the past two weeks i have had at least six comments on my weight. now let me get this straight, i am a UK dress size 8 (US size 6). the average UK dress size is 16. average! that would make me four sizes below average. i am also underweight for my height. it also means that if i dropped only three dress sizes, i would equate to a US size 0. that is THE size 0. the one that some modeling companies are banned from employing because of the health risks.

so, WHY am i getting comments stating that i am 'fat' and 'overweight'?! seriously?! you have to be kidding me.

now, obviously, i am not going to start starving myself. originally i dismissed the comments as a malicious possibly jealous attempt at crushing my self-esteem. now, several more comments later, it's not surprising that i am becoming rather concerned. not just for myself either. if the average size is a 16, what do these inconsiderate people think of them? they are in for one mighty shock.
i have always liked my body. and often felt guilty for doing so. granted, if a magical genie appeared and asked if i would like a flatter stomach, i would jump at the opportunity. but since that isn't going to happen anytime soon, i am more than happy with my looks. there are days when i look terrible and feel it too. and then there are days when i just feel perfect. and i've always felt guilty for liking my body, when people (especially teenagers) are so naive, believing that you have to be a beautiful person. i don't care if i'm not classed as a beautiful person, because more often than not; i feel beautiful. saying it like this makes me sound really arrogant, trust me, that is not what i am going for here.

now what?

did i have warped vision for thinking i looked beautiful? or is it warped now, when i think i look horrid?
this is the dress i bought on friday for the smart/casual buffet i am attending. i think it's fair to say i am more than a little nervous wearing this now. but i paid good money for it. it fits. and nothing could stop me from wearing it. screw them, they're not going to get to me that much. i'm a lot stronger than that. i just wish people would think about their remarks sometimes, because this is the kind of thing that leads to eating disorders.

bath time!

i think everyone has like a thinking spot. mine, is in the bath. usually i shower, so once a month or so i treat myself to a lovely little bath. i think i enjoy it so much because it is the closest thing i'll ever get to being back in the womb; ahh, a simpler time.
but as i sat there, surrounded by disney princess bath bubbles, i was feeling all guilty over the fact that i am probably killing a polar bear. that very same day, i had to write an essay on how schools waste energy. china is pumping out millions of tonnes of crap into the atmosphere every day, and i'm feeling guilty about a bath?! there is something wrong there.

and

i don't get people who say that by having a bath you are 'stewing in your own filth'. not unless you've showered in the past twenty-four hours! how dirty do you think i am?

now how awesome does this bath look?

sleepy dresses

you know i said i was tired? today i fell asleep while getting my hair done. THREE TIMES.

what the hell?!

sure, i can't sleep in my own bed, but when faced with hydrogen peroxide chemicals i can pretty much nap wherever. ugh, how embarrassing.

anyway

today, i bought a really gorgeous purple dress for this leavers buffet thing i have to attend. and the sims 3. which was a big mistake. granted, it was only £35 but i am going to be so distracted from my studies now. ah well, pretty dress and a new game!

picnic exam email

today, i emailed a teacher.

(so she's not technically a teacher, but that changes nothing)

i had missed this deadline, and had to email her to say that i was infact attending this thing - it was just that my indecisiveness had lead me to forget about it. when i was writing this email, it just felt so bizarre. i wouldn't instant message a teacher, and emailing is the same thing, only slower. it was all informal, and way beyond weird. i don't even want to talk about it anymore, because it's freaking me out.

i only have five exams left, yay!

although, i definitely failed my science exam. that's not even my usual amount of self-doubt seeping through here, that's fact. i am clearly not destined to be a mathematician or scientist. not that it worries me in the slightest. if i ever see a test tube again it will be too soon. put it this way, one of my answers was, 'hydrogen, because it is the most awesome.' not only does that not make sense scientifically, it doesn't make sense grammatically either.

nevermind

after the most diabolically filled out exam ever, we had an hour off lessons. granted, this isn't a lot of time. so my friend and I hot-footed it to her house, grabbed lots of food, a blanket, talked to a guy in australia, and then while walking back to school heard a really freaky noise and ran through a miniature forest. fun times indeed. at lunch, right before our english exam, we sat on the field in the beautiful sunshine, having a picnic. i cannot express the awesomeness that occurred in those moments. but it was so relaxing and completely enjoyable.

a picnic on the field in the summer has become a bit of a tradition

i also feel that i kicked my english exams ass. not to blow my own trumpet or anything. but boy, can i write about motorbikes. just for my own pleasure i even included the phrase, 'speeding off, like Loris Capirossi on Donnington Circuit.' (after googling i realise i spelt his name wrong, oops!) i really came out of that feeling a lot better.

yay! long weekend!

lucky lucky lucky days off, i am absolutely loving them. although tomorrow will consist of afore mentioned shopping (here) and hair styling. neither will be enjoyable. basically just because i will have to choose stuff. and i'm so indecisive, example above. wish me luck.

daisy zombie exams

i. am. so. tired.

i don't know whether it's the heat, or exams, or just the fact that i insist on watching horror films before bed. but i cannot sleep! about six months ago i grew out of my sleep problem; now it's back. it always used to take me around forty minutes to get to sleep (this wasn't even a temporary thing, i just functioned that way) then, i magically started falling asleep instantly. how i cherished it. however, at the moment, i am practically a zombie.

today, i learnt how to make a daisy chain.
ten years too late, but nevermind, i was ecstatically happy for a few hours

i have seven exams left, i think. friday i have to go shopping for prom accessories/pretty dresses. which sounds like a girly day of joy, yet, it's more than likely going to turn into some sort of frustrated massacre. i am so picky when it comes to clothes. and shoes. and food. and everything else.

i would like to round this off with a subject which is actually interesting, however my brain is currently functioning at less than 3% capacity. s0 instead, enjoy this lovely picture.

tattoo habits

i probably have the worst habit. not the most disgusting, or freaky, but it's pretty bad; for me. i sit on my feet. not even noticing until from my knees down have reached the stage of beyond uncomfortable. then i'll have to get up to answer the phone, or use the bathroom, or something else incredibly badly timed. i end up walking, on painfully numb legs, drunkenly across hallways etc. i do it everywhere. on my bed, on the floor, when i eat, at school, on the field, etc etc etc. it plays complete havoc with my knees and will probably lead to multiple shin transplants in the future. but it's a comfortable sitting position; for half an hour at least.

(i came up with a really good idea earlier...) ah, yes.

i work with two lovely girls who are both tattoo fanatics. they have them on their ribs, on their ankles, behind their ears, on their wrists and torsos. i don't have that kind of passion for body art, however, i do appreciate it when it's done well. one thing i can't stand is horrible, dodgy tattoos. pretty much everyone who has ever inhabited planet earth has seen the video for Where is the Love, by the Black Eyed Peas - arguably one of the best songs of all time. and there's one shot of a woman, getting gas for her car, with the iconographic '?' symbol tattooed onto her arm. if i was ever going to get one, that would be it. just because it is so fantastically cool.

P.S. don't you just love it when the first of the month is on a monday?