hey there

okay. that was a bit of an emo post last night. want to hear about my day?!

today i enrolled at college. my mum dropped me off, and then went into the city to do some shopping. meanwhile i filled out some online forms, got asked loads of questions, was uber polite and smiley to everyone and then filled out a questionnaire which and i quote, asked me this question:

'has anyone ever told you that you are talented?'

now, i don't actually have a talent. i can't sing, i can't dance, i'm not allowed to draw because it's simply that bad, i'm not the next domestic goddess and i have never picked up a musical instrument i can just play. so i'm running this question through my head. and then i think, well it's either yes or no. and then i realise that nobody has ever told me i'm talented. people have said i'm smart and organised and nice, but never talented.

so that sucked.

then i got to leave. i came out half an hour earlier than i'd expected so i call my mum. repeatedly. for about five minutes. turns out she has the inability to turn her phone on. so i think, well that's cool, i'll walk into the city and find her. it takes me about ten minutes to get to the center of Winchester, all the while leaving voicemails on her phone. and the i realise that Winchester is actually pretty damned large. so i walk around for a bit. then it starts to rain. and i get a little stressed. The Best Friend tells me to call home. so i do. and my brother is no help. so i call my dad. who also, is no help. by this time, i'm really stressed, bored of Winchester and very wet.

this also sucked

and then my mum wanders into hmv. and asks me what i'm doing there. that moment made me want to talk like this:
wth?! srsly.
then we get home. and i spill ketchup down my white top.

this sucked the least. but still sucked.

and i just laugh. so hysterically i scare my own mother. it was only from primark, and i literally threw it away minutes ago.
i just thought. you know what? it doesn't matter. and laughed.


but the talented thing bugs me. what kind of a question was that supposed to be?!

true romance is dead?

so, like every teenage girl i get a little vulnerable at times. and i've been feeling that a lot recently. the past couple of days have been a bit tougher than i can normally stand.
and then i found my cure.

Fall Out Boy - The Music Or The Misery

this is why i love fall out boy.
they remind me that i don't need what everyone thinks i should have. (including me)
and with lyrics like;

'I got your love letters, corrected the grammar and sent them back.
It's true romance is dead, I shot it in the chest then in the head.'

who can resist?
so it's a little more... harsh than i'd normally go for, however. it is what i need right now.
i'd give this band my heart. but i know they'd only sign it and send it back. they practically told me.

i don't belong here

i cannot believe it is september. that is a really scary thought. it's like three and a half months til christmas, can you believe that? frightening right?

and it's like everything has decided to die on me. my email has been out for like the past twenty-four hours, and while trying to set up an instant messenger account it practically died the greatest internet death ever. and then my itunes had a fit. *sigh* it's all working now though. thankfully.
i hate it when my laptop doesn't work. it's just so frustrating.

and now the autumn weather has set in. too much rain. (i wrote fall instead of autumn originally, surely this shows how i don't belong in England?) i need a waterproof coat really, but i need an actual coat first. along with some gloves. i just wish we could skip autumn and go straight to winter with all the snow, that christmas smell which makes your house a home and cosy nights by the fire wrapped up all warm. i really think winter is my favourite season.

ooh. you won't believe this, because i've never been the creative type. my parents crushed that early on. but yesterday at work i actually wrote a song! it sucked mind you, but i've never done that before. that really does show how much thinking time i have at work. i have nothing else to do.

i have my college enrollment tomorrow. boy is that going to be a bore-fest. i filled out all of the forms and chose all of my courses earlier, so i can check that off my list.

dinner time!

i may have fallen in love with a fictional charcater... wouldn't be the first time.

i am not going to finish my list. ever.

i'm still no closer to getting seven of the books. and i have nine to read altogether. so maybe i'll have to finish it next year. i hate leaving things unfinished. so this is just temporarily suspended until next summer.

last night i watched the final of a two part tv drama version of Wuthering Heights. i've never read the book, i never had any interest in reading it. i knew there was someone called Heathcliff in it and that was about the extent of my knowledge. but after watching that show. i mean, oh my gosh. it was just so poetic and beautiful. i understood Heathcliff, and why he took advantage of those he could and tortured himself more than anyone. the ending was perfect too.

i loved it so much. even though it nearly made me cry.

i am so hungry. so so so hungry. and all we're having for dinner is stupid chicken. i am going to have to go buy some food. byeeeee xo

i watch too many films

okay. firstly, i promise to stop using this place as like, a shrine to The Best Friend.

today, i popped a thank you card through my grandparents front door as they gave me some money for passing my exams. (although i hate walking to my grandparents house, they live on a not-very-nice estate and i always get leered and shouted at by some unemployed, uneducated boys. ugh. just because i wear dresses does not give you the excuse to comment on my legs or ass. thankyouverymuch)
and then i went to watch The Time Travellers Wife with my parents. oh my gosh. it was so sad. i don't cry at films, because it's just like a rule of principle, or something else that sounds smart. but i just don't. i won't let my parents see my cry and that's just the way i am. however, i had to fight some serious tears in that film. poor Eric Bana.
and i'm probably going to see 500 Days of Summer with the work friends on friday. i think zooey deschanel is one of my favourite actresses, she's like effortlessly amazing.
and the Hannah Montana Movie is out on dvd on monday! i am so hyped. too hyped. way too excited over that fact. while everyone else is walking into their school or college i am going to be buying that film and watching it over and over and over. and learning the hoedown throwdown properly.
while i'm on the subject of films, i went to see Bandslam on thursday. and it was really really good. i was really surprised. and i even totally fell in love with the incredibly geeky character Will Burton. he knew his music. since thursday i've had three songs from that film going around in my head. the final number 'everything i own', their cover of one of my all time favourite songs 'i want you to want me' and the amazing 'someone to fall back on'. wow. that last song i love. so much. the lyrics hit me hard. they're so beautiful.

"i am no prince,
i am no saint,
i am not anyones wildest dream,
but i will stand behind
and be someone to fall back on"

i guess this is growing up?

i really hate how nobody posts over the weekend. this is when i actually have time to read the posts. and then there are none.

i found a coat! at last. after like a bazillion years of looking (a month and a half tops). yet, there's a problem of the fact that it is about ninety pounds. but delivery is free! still, i don't really want to pay that. it's either the coat or the pretty bag... so maybe i'm just going to be cold for a little while until it's on sale?
also, i wrote my CV today. it took me all day. and it's not even a page, however it's very professional. i would hire me.
i got my job in the dog grooming salon because one day, while my father was walking the dog, he decided to ask around this little business centre for jobs for me, without telling me. next thing i know, i get a phone call asking me if i wanted to do half a days unpaid work at Mucky Pups Dog Grooming Salon to see if i liked it. so i went. i stayed the whole day, and went home with £2o. since then, every saturday i roll out of bed at 8:30 and half an hour later, i'm washing a dog.

i also need to make a decision about going back to piano lessons. soon. i really enjoyed it, i love actually playing the piano, although learning a piece is so tiresome. and my teacher is an ass and doesn't help at all. i think he likes to make me cry out of desperation. i would teach myself, but i kind of suck. even with a merit at grade four.

decisions, decisions.

super big happy surprise time!

who wants to enter a giveaway? who wants to win something?!
really, you?

well, tough. because i'm not doing a giveaway.
that was a bit mean; well okay. i'm not doing a giveaway... yet.
so i thought really long and hard about doing a giveaway. like i spent hours thinking about it. however, i decided that i didn't have enough followers or regular visitors to make it fair. i think having a one in five chance of winning makes it a lot less exciting than say having a one in twenty chance of winning.
that, is the catch. i will have my first giveaway once i have twenty+ followers. this also gives me time to think of something to give away.
please bear in mind that it's taken me since march to get five followers. so at this rate you're looking at about november next year...
i will definitely stick to this as a promise though.

there will be a giveaway (and a good one at that) once i have more than twenty followers!

penultimate

so, we have a brand new, top of the range, fantastically live, wasps nest.

but on the plus side, I AM ONLY ONE POST AWAY FROM 100!

posts that is. and that's got to be some sort of achievement right? making this whole blogging thing, like, a success... wow.
and i know i said i had a surprise for you when that 100th post comes, and i have planned a surprise, but it's a lame one. like a really super lame one.
i planned out a post for today about why i started this blog and whatnot, and then i got all emotional and girly and sad and decided it just wasn't the right time.
so here's my awesome to-do list for the next week:

• write a CV
• fill out college applications
• choose college courses
• enrol at college
• sort out my bank account ie. get one
• arrange an outing with estranged friend
• buy the fantastic bag i saw yesterday. maybe.

let's freaking do this!

Shake-a-doo

so i've written a post similar to this one before. however that was to make a point. this is just to tell you how much i absolutely adore this film.

last night, it was pretty late, and i was considering just going to sleep, because i knew i had to be at Elly's by ten for cake-making-disaster times. then, i flicked over to a channel which was playing this movie:

Win a Date With Tad Hamilton!

now, i practically jumped out of bed, because it had only just started. Rosalee hadn't even said the 'Piggly Wiggly' bit yet! i honestly wish i could just buy a copy of this film for everyone, because i love it so much, and feel that if you haven't watched it you are missing out big time. i just want to copy and paste all of the quotes from imdb right now. but i'm not going to. because i trust you to check them out yourself. look this is even a link for you. CLICK NOW PLEASE.
i realised the three reasons why i love this film so much last night.

1. Josh Duhamel, gahh. he's beautiful. the kind of guy you want to dip in chocolate and... well, you know. he plays Tad. and is also in the Transformers films, which are also some of my favourite films of all time *ahem*. but! i am not the kind of girl to fall in love with and have obsessive tendencies toward people i have never even met. although, if i met him i might just do. honestly though, i have enough trouble with people named Josh as it is, haha.
   
2. the fact that this film is so well written. there's barely a bad line. the plot flows flawlessly. and the characters are unbelievable. Tad is played flawlessly, with all the arrogance and innocence you expect from an overprotected movie star. Cathy, the main character's best friend, is just indescribably, inappropriately, hilarious. Angelica the barmaid, is way too smart to be a barmaid but the character fits perfectly. and speaking of perfect, i love Pete. the dorky, skinny, sarcastic, totally completely madly in love with his best friend for like twenty odd years. i think secretly, everyone wants one of those best friends who has loved them all along.
3. i am Rosalee Futch. the small town, wholesome, trapped-in-her-piggly-wiggly-wishing-for-the-prince girl. so it's like i can relate to her.

i promise you, this film is amazing.

i know the picture quality is bad, this just shows you how bad you have to watch the movie!
and i am so upset it's not on itunes.

i can't keep a secret.

i've had such a busy day today.

this morning i pretty much launched myself out of bed, showered, ate my pancakes (i love my mum) and then was off to Elly's house. all before 10am. Elly wanted to make this cake as a surprise for her boyfriends birthday; it's a scaled down model of his treasured car. it's such a good idea, so romantic, and really shows how much she loves him. but she has to make eight cakes, carve them and ice them. that's a lot of work and time. my poor, smitten best friend.
so, with our usual amount of disaster we just about managed to make the cakes. i even cracked several eggs using only one hand! and then my mother arrived and whisked me off for lunch. she treated me to whitebait as a) it's one of my favourite foods b) the one i had in Cyprus was disappointing and c) a well-done for passing my gcse's.
she then passed me an envelope - inside was a cheque for £100, along with another £100 cash.
and then she took me shopping and bought me a brand new bag for college. the picture's off the website, and not that great honestly. still, the actual bag is gorgeous; and it goes with my new booties! there was another bag i liked, but it was not practical, not big enough, and way more expensive. however, it was beautiful.
now i just have to track down a coat for college... any ideas where i might get one?

i better get a big present.

so today i got my gcse results.

now i expected to get, four c's, seven b's and maybe two a's if i was lucky.
but as it turns out i only got one c in one of my ict qualifications. and two b's, the other ict one and additional science. then a whopping five a's, breaking down to, english, english lit, maths, science and geography. and finally, a distinction star BTEC in performing arts; that's the equivalent of four a stars.
which is pretty good i guess. although it doesn't help having stupidly smart friends, and there comes a point where you do feel like the dumb one. even my parents don't seem that happy.
but they keep going on and on about it, like i want to talk about it. when the truth is, i'm a bit disappointed at the results, and i don't want to talk about it. the four a*'s don't really count, it's a BTEC qualification. technically, i got no a*'s. and once again i come out feeling average.
although i did get interviewed for the local radio station. which my hairdresser heard and rang my mum to congratulate me.
i personally blame the fact i stupidly opted for the t-shirt and jeans option.

i think i need an apple mac to feel better.
feel free to donate money to my cause.

owch.

i just had my hair cut. but it's not short enough. in a few weeks, i'm going to get me a bob.
i also just had my first of three HPV jabs. and wow, the nurse really stabbed that into my arm. a little more violent than i expect a nurse to be really...

in other news.

my beautiful belly button piercing looks gorgeous now it's all clean and shiny. although this morning it pretty much killed when i cleaned it. i'm terrified of touching it too much, which is a good thing considering like a bruise, it is painful when touched. but it looks good. so yay!

and i really suck at sleeping at the moment. well. for like the last month. and i don't know why, because i go through like months and months of not being able to sleep properly, i think it's semi-somnia (google it) and it is so annoying. and the suddenly, out of the blue, like a polar bear wearing a tutu, i will get a full, uninterrupted nights sleep. and huzzah! i get a couple of weeks of bliss! and then it's back to the torture. you have no idea how annoying it is.

and finally.

i get my gcse results tomorrow. this doesn't bother me, as much as this: i don't know what to wear. this is possibly the worst thing that could have happened. if you get really good results, (which is unlikely, but realistically, could happen) they put your picture in the local paper. and i want to look good. plus nearly everyone from my year is going to be there, and i want them to think i look good too. however, the weather forecast doesn't look great, and i don't want to be rained on in a pretty dress. so, what do i dooooo?! pretty dress, nice skirt & top, or casual jeans & t-shirt?

surprise!

so, the big surprise (which really isn't a big surprise at all) has happened!

and i'm so happy with it. and i love it. and it's beautiful. today, after work, at 4:47pm, i got my navel pierced! i was going to post a picture, but after the numbing gel wore off it bled. and because i don't want to play with it too much i haven't been brave enough to clean it yet. so yeah, i'm not posting a bloody picture of a bit of metal in my body. ew.

but! speaking of brave...

i, the girl who hates pain, and flinches at everything and nearly cried when i scratched the back of my hand this morning (owch, by the way) did not even move. my 'superiors' at work took me to get it done and i quote;

'you didn't even flinch! if you were in pain, it seriously didn't look like it'

gahhh, i love these girlies so much.

but i have to work tomorrow. and i know i'm going to get it knocked and scratched and every dog is going to be out to get me, and it's going to hurt and bleed, and i'm going to want to go home. however. i love this little bit of metal. so much!

i would also like to say a wonderfully welcoming hello to my beautiful new followers. you have no idea how happy you make me.

have a pretty picture:

ps. i really want to go to Edinborough, and London

update: i hate boys.

so the other day, i was sad. today i'm hyper. and kind of angry, in a good way.

firstly, hellooooo! i don't feel i treat you like i treat other humans - or you know, a massive electronic thing which has swept the globe dominating everything ever, ie, the internet - but i sometimes feel like i should use the stereotypical conversational rules just to make you more comfortable, and to make it a tiny bit more personal. like i'm talking to you. yes, you.
anyway. for those who actually care; my oreo truffles went down a storm. i got the recipe here. go and make them, they look uber weird but taste so incredibly good.
now, recently i've had this strange... i don't want to use the word feeling again in this post, although, it's the only one which fits. and now i know what it is. it's like the second i became/become a "college student" there's this stereotype of 'you must have a job, you must have a boyfriend, you must look perfect and if you're not smart you will just die'. and i want to make it clear, that i do not want that.

ever.

i mean, i want to be smart and good at school, and i love my job. but that is not all that i am. i am not a geek. i work hard on my appearance too. i really love going for a run, and doing my hair and make-up and shopping. the only thing i really don't want the hassle of right now is "the boyfriend". there's only so much i can do. it's not what i consider a necessity, and after reading such experiences on a fellow bloggers blog, it is painful. and when i have so much else going on, everything has to be prioritized, and unfortunately one has to go. the others are too important really. nevertheless, i never rule things out completely, and for some reason i'm almost, angry at boys. because i know the minute i get to college i'm going to melt into this girly mess fluttering eyelashes, tossing hips and flicking hair. and it makes me so angry that the mere presence of cute adorable guys makes me into this.

gahhhhhhh.

it's not all bad. i kinda like it.

it could be worse...

why i'm sad:

i'm making oreo truffles. and due to the fact that there is no definitive recipe anywhere on the
internet, they look totally different to the last time i made them and are probably going to suck.
i'm really really tired. i haven't had an uninterrupted nights sleep in a month.
i am never going to finish my list.
i've gone to get something twice now, and both times i was refused. when it is PERFECTLY LEGAL.
i want one of those effortless chats rather than one where i struggle. with someone familiar rather than someone new. someone i don't need to impress.
i'm going to have to impress people and make friends at college. when let's face it; i'm a bit of a whiny weirdo.
i have a dentist appointment, a jab and a hair appointment next week.
the euro millions draw is going to be announced tonight. and i'm still going to have to go to work tomorrow.


just. ARGGGHHHH.

that's better.

edit: my mummy fixed my oreo truffles; this is why i love her.

*scared*

i have a confession.

okay, so to understand this you're going to have to know it all. it goes way back to when i was little.
when i was three my parents took my brother and i to Disneyland Paris. there were all these rides for little kids where you went into a building in a moving kart thing and characters from whichever Disney film would like pop-up. it terrified me. but considering we were barely two feet tall, there wasn't a lot else for us to do. and i'd confuse them for other rides and end up going on them again.

but because it scared me, i'd get this rush. i liked being scared.

and then as soon i was old enough to watch scary movies, i'd watch them. loads of them. all of them. then i made friends with people who hated scary movies because they were afraid of them. ah - the disappointment. so i had to bully them into watching them by pretending that i wasn't afraid and therefore they shouldn't be.

that was a lie.

the whole point of me enjoying horror films was that i was terrified of them. so the other night i was led in bed watching The Hills Have Eyes, an 18 rated movie, at midnight, in a pitch black room. and i was scared. more scared than i've ever been at a horror film. i had to turn it off. i've never done that before. i really wanted to watch it too. but there was just no way that was going to happen, i'd gone past the point of it being scary-fun.

and then i thought; am i getting old?

wedding weather

it probably rains like 70% of the time here. but today, it is so lovely. it's one of the most perfect days weather-wise i've ever experienced in England. it's so sunny!
anyway, i've got a pretty busy month up ahead. i collect my gcse results next week (so heads up for an emotion filled post about that) then i have to enroll on the 3rd, i start college on the 14th and then have a wedding to go to the very saturday after.

i'm so excited about the wedding. i really love spending the day with extended family. it's just too fun to miss.

i'm such a child

today, i went to finkley down farm park.

this is basically a farm which you can walk around, and pet the animals and feed them and stuff. it's for little children really. i took my cousin; we are both sixteen. it was awesome.they give you a little sticker to show you paid, and then there's activities to do throughout the day. like rodent & rabbit handling, pony grooming, chicken feeding etc. i liked watching the pony grooming the most. this one was called Whisper. she was beautiful, i love her.
i'm pretty sure everyone thought we were lost, considering we were the only teenagers there. it's not a big place, at all. but they have pigs, and cows, and chickens, and horses, and ducks, and rabbits, and geese, and calves, and guinea pigs, and llamas, and donkeys, and sheep, and lots and lots of goats.
they even have little buckets of animal food. and there are even signs showing you how to hold your hand out when feeding the animals. but because i'm a cheapskate i didn't get a cute little bucket, i used some of the dropped food to lure baby goats over. so did Kayleigh. she's so beautiful, and i love spending the day with my baby cousin. we have the best conversations about our friends and harry potter.
finally, i rode a stationary tractor. which, by the way, seemed a lot lot bigger when i was six. and the fact that it's not socially acceptable for me to play on a tire swing in front of human beings any more really didn't stop me.
so i really spend my day quite unlike most teenage girls, getting in touch with my childish side, on the farm.

sunnydays

today is one of those beautiful days where i just want to run barefoot through a forest.have a lovely sunday!

little letters.

dear dad.
i still find your jokes funny. i always will. i'm sorry i don't laugh at them anymore.

dear mum.
your cooking is the best. i know i don't always clear my plate at home and i do when we go somewhere else. this is not because i like their food any better. it is because you taught me to be polite.

dear little brother.
i like you more than i let on.

dear big cousin.
i admire you more than anyone else. i know i shouldn't crave to impress you, but i do. i want you to be proud of me.

dear friends.
you make me who i am. i love you for that. i'm sorry i don't spend enough time with you. i appreciate you all. i really do.