*scared*

i have a confession.

okay, so to understand this you're going to have to know it all. it goes way back to when i was little.
when i was three my parents took my brother and i to Disneyland Paris. there were all these rides for little kids where you went into a building in a moving kart thing and characters from whichever Disney film would like pop-up. it terrified me. but considering we were barely two feet tall, there wasn't a lot else for us to do. and i'd confuse them for other rides and end up going on them again.

but because it scared me, i'd get this rush. i liked being scared.

and then as soon i was old enough to watch scary movies, i'd watch them. loads of them. all of them. then i made friends with people who hated scary movies because they were afraid of them. ah - the disappointment. so i had to bully them into watching them by pretending that i wasn't afraid and therefore they shouldn't be.

that was a lie.

the whole point of me enjoying horror films was that i was terrified of them. so the other night i was led in bed watching The Hills Have Eyes, an 18 rated movie, at midnight, in a pitch black room. and i was scared. more scared than i've ever been at a horror film. i had to turn it off. i've never done that before. i really wanted to watch it too. but there was just no way that was going to happen, i'd gone past the point of it being scary-fun.

and then i thought; am i getting old?