so, i get my gcse results in like two weeks time.
this doesn't scare me to be honest. it's just a bit of paper. and my irrational fears stretch no further than ceiling fans. but the fact that after i get my gcse results, i have to go to college. i have to go and enrol. and then i actually have to go. and i'm scared of that.
i don't really know why i'm afraid. i just am. i'm not even doing courses that i want to be doing. it just so happens that there isn't a 'blogger' or even a 'writing' course. and i know that sounds stupid. but it's like this. i don't know what i want to be doing in ten years time. so i've picked courses which leave my options open, yet point to englishy stuff. cause i like to write.
on the other side of the spectrum. there are going to be over one thousand people in my year. that's huge. that's obscene. i have spent the majority of my summer with less than ten people. whom i love, and i wouldn't have wanted to spend it with anyone else. but this is like a ten-thousand percent increase. and what's even worse, is that there are going to be people there from my secondary school who hate me. they'll blank me, and spread rumours. and i know i'm going to be subjected to that kind of childish antics. so it's going to be difficult to make friends from the word go. especially since i have this need to please people. which drives me mad.
the only godsend i have, is that my wonderful friend Elly is going to join me on this terrifying journey. and she's good for me, because she'll tell me to 'man-up' and to stop being a baby about it all. which is what i need really. i love this girl. we're more like sisters than anything else.
i say that because we argue. a lot. i mean, it's frightening. we disagree over even more. and when we fight. we don't do it by halves. there's screaming, there's bitching, there's tears. and then we ignore each other for a few days. remove each other from social networking sites. and just plain hate the other. and then someone says sorry. and we're miraculously best friends again. until next time. the fighting is always over boys. and she always ends up being right. somehow.
it really shows that no friendship is perfect. it's just like any other relationship. all it needs is time, work and love. and as much as a roller coaster as she has made my life, i still love her.
i don't really know why i'm afraid. i just am. i'm not even doing courses that i want to be doing. it just so happens that there isn't a 'blogger' or even a 'writing' course. and i know that sounds stupid. but it's like this. i don't know what i want to be doing in ten years time. so i've picked courses which leave my options open, yet point to englishy stuff. cause i like to write.
on the other side of the spectrum. there are going to be over one thousand people in my year. that's huge. that's obscene. i have spent the majority of my summer with less than ten people. whom i love, and i wouldn't have wanted to spend it with anyone else. but this is like a ten-thousand percent increase. and what's even worse, is that there are going to be people there from my secondary school who hate me. they'll blank me, and spread rumours. and i know i'm going to be subjected to that kind of childish antics. so it's going to be difficult to make friends from the word go. especially since i have this need to please people. which drives me mad.
the only godsend i have, is that my wonderful friend Elly is going to join me on this terrifying journey. and she's good for me, because she'll tell me to 'man-up' and to stop being a baby about it all. which is what i need really. i love this girl. we're more like sisters than anything else.
i say that because we argue. a lot. i mean, it's frightening. we disagree over even more. and when we fight. we don't do it by halves. there's screaming, there's bitching, there's tears. and then we ignore each other for a few days. remove each other from social networking sites. and just plain hate the other. and then someone says sorry. and we're miraculously best friends again. until next time. the fighting is always over boys. and she always ends up being right. somehow.
it really shows that no friendship is perfect. it's just like any other relationship. all it needs is time, work and love. and as much as a roller coaster as she has made my life, i still love her.
this was taken at the christmas fair at our secondary school two years ago. i stole santa's beard. it was sweaty.
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